I vowed not to blog over spring break, but I can't help myself:
How is it that a certain lesbian who plays at a certain poker table gets a pretty sweet consulting job, and I'm unemployed? This isn't fair. I can imagine how her interview went--
Employer: So tell me why you think you're qualfied for this job?
Unidentified Lesbian (UL): Well, I'm a lesbian, so I always make a big stink when someone uses the word "gay" or "fag" in a derogatory way- even when they obviously aren't homophobic and are just joking around.
Employer: Ooh, that's good I like that. Tell me more.
UL: Let's see, I think I know everything about everything, especially poker.
Employer: Sounds promising- elaborate.
UL: You see I sit down at poker tables with complete strangers (often at Foxwoods Resort and Casino). After one of these strangers has lost his meager social security stipend for the month on a questionably played hand and is contemplating ending it all, I tell him why his play was stupid and how he should've played the hand. I think they find it real helpful.
Employer: Wow. OK any last reasons why you think you're particularly qualified.
UL: Hmmm. Oh, also I constantly send Instant Messages to Dan while he's trying to masturbate.
Employer: Wouldn't that, uh, you know, kill the mood? Forget it. You're hired!