Sunday, March 13, 2005

Jobs

I vowed not to blog over spring break, but I can't help myself:

How is it that a certain lesbian who plays at a certain poker table gets a pretty sweet consulting job, and I'm unemployed? This isn't fair. I can imagine how her interview went--

Employer: So tell me why you think you're qualfied for this job?

Unidentified Lesbian (UL): Well, I'm a lesbian, so I always make a big stink when someone uses the word "gay" or "fag" in a derogatory way- even when they obviously aren't homophobic and are just joking around.

Employer: Ooh, that's good I like that. Tell me more.

UL: Let's see, I think I know everything about everything, especially poker.

Employer: Sounds promising- elaborate.

UL: You see I sit down at poker tables with complete strangers (often at Foxwoods Resort and Casino). After one of these strangers has lost his meager social security stipend for the month on a questionably played hand and is contemplating ending it all, I tell him why his play was stupid and how he should've played the hand. I think they find it real helpful.

Employer: Wow. OK any last reasons why you think you're particularly qualified.

UL: Hmmm. Oh, also I constantly send Instant Messages to Dan while he's trying to masturbate.

Employer: Wouldn't that, uh, you know, kill the mood? Forget it. You're hired!

1 comment:

The ACTUAL God said...

Interviewer: I love your haircut - it brings out the very square shape of your head.

UL: Thanks.