Tuesday, April 05, 2005

To my loyal readers

Sorry for the lack of "content" (that's what we in the industry call it) recently , I was writing my Senior Essay. Now right back to business.

I think homeless people must do better business in cold weather. When I see a homeless person in cold weather, I feel bad for them (this doesn't translate into me giving them money of course), but when it's nice out I think "hey what are you complaining about, you're outside all day, it's beautiful- you should be giving me money because I have to be indoors for part of the day." The pity factor is totally taken out of the equation- someone should do an economic analysis of this.

The other day, I bought girl scout cookies from a little negress. Now first of all, I bought shortbread which was a terrible idea. But more importantly, a huge factor in my buying of them was that the little girl was dressed in a ridiculous, demeaning cookie costume. My amusement was worth the price of the cookies alone.

I don't have a job for next year, but I do know I don't want to do anything where you sit right next to a machine that does your job better than you. Examples are the guys at airports who search for metal, the guys at the library who check your bag to see if you are stealing a book when there's a detector right there. These are already shitty jobs, then you're reminded at how worthless you are by having the machine there.

Final thing, those massage chairs at Brookstone or wherever- you're told that they feel so good but actually it feels like a piece of plastic is digging into your back. Now massages, there's something humans do better than machines, especially when you tell the Chinese lady doing it, "happy ending," and make the motion for her because you're not sure she understands. Also, blogging is done better by humans, though I'd like to see a machine blog, maybe an ATM:

"Some kid took out $1000 today, that was exciting. He seemed like a real dick, so I gave it to him in Fives- Booyah! What else, some old lady tried to take out the $19.50 in her account, but I gave her the message that "$20 is the minimum withdrawal"- I wanted to add "... LOL U R SO POOR" but that isn't one of my preprogrammed messages."


Anonymous said...

he's back

Anonymous said...

yeah a definite improvement over the pope post