"People never knew I was so wealthy until I started eating this way!" Simpson crooned in an exclusive Delino interview. While rubbing her copious belly, Ms. Simpson commented: "I'd go to a restaurant and order a salad, and the waiter would look at me as if I couldn't afford the prime rib ... now if you'll excuse me for a moment, my foie gras has arrived."
After she finished noisily devouring her mid-day snack (Bill: $74.99, she would want you to know), Jessica followed us to the beach where we spotted a slim young girl wearing a designer bikini and sipping a Diet Coke. Jessica, always the humanitarian, expressed her sympathy for this penniless street urchin.
"The poor thing! Diet coke? Just how far does one have to go to make ends meet in this country! I am fortunate enough to be able to drink only pure maple syrup. It's much sweeter than even regular coke, but I shouldn't be so harsh--the sad fact is not everyone is in the position to afford it."
"But then, who am I to talk? I only knew for sure that I had made it last month, when I was finally diagnosed with a severe case of Gout and my wealth and fame were confirmed. Having the Gout is truly this generation's American Dream."
Try it at home! Make a guilt-free apple pie, the Gout Diet way:
Ingredients:
3 pounds chopped liver
1 pie crust
Directions:
1) place liver in crust
2) enjoy!
Ingredients:
3 pounds chopped liver
1 pie crust
Directions:
1) place liver in crust
2) enjoy!
10 comments:
excellent post, although maybe it could have used a little more poker content?
and a little more mayonnaise
I don't even get a wee footnote? (Foot pun intended). What kind of malarky is this? Next thing you know, you'll be writing about conditions as exotic and antiquated as consumption or post-squash muscle ache and saying that those ideas, too, just sprung up from between your toes.
You see that is the struggle of the youth of today. They have no narrative, no story that gives meaning and purpose to life. Oh sure they have a story and a narrative but it is one that has no meaning and purpose. It is the story of Hollywood of sex, drugs, “I’ve got mine”, despair, and hopelessness. In the end Darth Vader wins, death is victorious. How do you tell the story to such a generation? , I suspect, that the conflicts we have in the church often center around our disagreements as to how we tell that story so that it is understood. At times it seems to me that we are like Soren Kirekgaard’s clown. There was a fire in a circus in a small village. Hundreds of people had already gathered in the auditorium to see the circus. The manager of the circus was told of the fire and the need for the people to flee immediately. The first person the manager runs into is the clown already dressed up. He tells the clown to go tell the people there is a fire and they must leave or die. The clown goes on stage and tells the people there is a fire. The people begin to laugh and laugh. In desperation the clown pleads with them that there really is a fire and they laugh more and more at this hilarious and humorous clown. The end of course is that the circus and people are destroyed by the fire.
I love this post. Thank you.
surprisingly good post. In honor of it, I have decided to realease the first OFFICIAL DELINO BLOGGER RANKINGS. This formula is based on comments garnered + funny sentences/post - bad syntax mistakes/post x the number of mentally retarded people whose lives Jim Thome has personally enriched.
1. Dan
2. Tom, Rich (An exact tie)
3. Al
4. Eric
Surprisingly good post? Eric at the bottom of the rankings? Oh fuck you, Anonymous, name one thing you've created in your life (besides Beowulf).
Now, Tom, it's against the rules to make a great comment on an only good post. It won't affect your ranking.
On second thought, I've had agout enough of this post.
this is officially the most overrated post of all time. i mean it's decent, but it aint berger (dan) good.
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