I may be a little late on this story (it's the time difference- I just found out about O'Connor's resignation this second), but I have a big scoop about O'Connor's possible replacement. Inside sources in the Bush Administration have told me that in an effort to prevent an all-out brawl between extremist conservatives and extremist liberals, President Bush has settled on a compromise nominee, chosen because he was deemed "inoffensive."
And the nominee is... Alejandro Franqui. When reached for comment by the Delino intern, Mr. Franqui, known to some as "Alé," had this to say: "I just got a package in the mail from my pal Addy, nudge nudge. I know midterms are coming up, man. I'm... I'm talking about Adderall, just so you're not confused." When reminded by our intern that the subject of conversation was his impending Supreme Court nomination, Mr. Franqui replied, "Sorry, my ADD, sometimes I... Yeah, Supreme Court, that sounds cool man. Totally. I hear they have a basketball court there, I'll hoop it up." When the interview concluded, Mr. Franqui went back to his summer occupation, brokering a deal with Cold Stone Creamery for the creation of an ice cream with chunks of Adderall in it.