Tuesday, November 01, 2005

3,000 Miles to Graceland

Since we were in Las Vegas, we decided to see why they call the place Sin City. When we showed up to the strip club, a few truckers and a fat Asian guy with a sleazy thin moustache were lavishing dollar bills on a busty blond dancer. The members of the Delino crew were unsure of ourselves, skeptical of whether such beautiful women would ever even talk to a bunch of short Jewish boys. But somehow, Tom mustered up the courage to ask one of the plainer-looking strippers for a lap dance and she agreed. Just before the lap dance started, President Bush nominated Judge Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court on a nearby TV. The subsequent lap dance went down like this:

Tom (screaming to be heard over the music): YOU HAVE VERY PRETTY EYES!
Stripper (rubbing her breasts in Tom's face): Judge Alito is out of the mainstream of American jurisprudence.
Tom: SO YOU GO TO SCHOOL AROUND HERE?
Stripper (wrapping her legs around Tom's neck): Anticipating an Alito nomination, I sifted through some of his old decisions, and his labor cases give me much concern.
Tom: COOL. (beat) HOW MUCH FOR TOUCH?
Stripper (breathing down Tom's shirt): It's sad that the president felt he had to pick a nominee likely to divide America instead of choosing a nominee in the mold of Sandra Day O'Connor who would unify us.
Tom: I HEARD RUMORS OF A PRIVATE ROOM- IS THAT SOMETHING?
Stripper (rubbing Tom's crotch): It's times like these I wish Munz were still blogging...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While the strip club experience is amazing, it is important to remember just how lucky we are to live in an age in which strip clubs are relatively common. Imagine our ancestors in heaven watching us enviously:

Moishe Berger: Look at Dan, king of the world at his strip club! How times have changed. In my day I used to pay Yakov 2 shekels to nut into his potato sack! (Beat) What? It's only 2 shekels! What's the point of money if you don't get to nut in a potato sack?

No comments: