Wednesday, March 01, 2006

How Gay Are You? No, Seriously

Here's another little gem. This month's Scientific American Mind (a branch of Scientific American magazine) features a quiz by Harvard trained psychologist Robert Epstein."The Sexual Orientation Continuum" features nine questions queerying your inclinations in an attempt to gayge how much of a fag you are. Here are the questions:

1) How strongly are you attracted to members of the opposite sex?
2) Have you ever felt sexually attracted to a member of the same sex?
3) Have you ever had a dream about a sexual encounter with a member of the same sex?
4) Have you ever had a waking fantasy about a sexual encounter with a member of the same sex?
5) Have you ever voluntarily had sexual contact (such as kissing or petting) with a member of the same sex?
6) How frequent are your same-sex fantasies or dreams?
7) Have you ever felt sexually aroused when you've had any exposure to two people of your same sex having a sexual encounter (through gossip, a video or some other means)?
8) Would you be willing to have sexual relations with someone of the same sex?
9) How frequent are your same-sex encounters?

I think an affirmative to just one of these questions would be sufficient to cross the threshold into fagdom. Regardless, HARVARD-Trained Dr. Epstein must have a very good reason for needing 9! I mean, if you answer yes to the first 8, but say "never had them" to " How frequent are your same-sex encounters?" I'm really sure there's still a lot of room for doubt.

My idea, each of you (ATTN: Delino Readers) should make your own quiz and submit it to SciAm Mind. Here's mine: "The How Much Do You Enjoy Hiding in Bathroom Stalls at Movie Theaters Waiting For Little Boys to Piss, and then Drinking Their Urine Continuum?"

It consists of one question.

How much do you enjoy hiding in bathroom stallls at movie theaters waiting for little boys to piss, and then drink their Urine?


Anonymous said...

Stop being so homophobic. That's not how you get girls.

- a girl

Eric said...

Stop posting anonymously. That's not how you get people to notice you.

- an Eric

Tom said...

The feeling of coming

Tom said...

Also, it would have been funnier to have the hypothetical person answer "no" to 1-8, but "thrice weekly" to 9.

Mulatto Jesus said...

I scored a Luke Perry!!!

Nostradamus said...

Wow, this was unbearably funny and good. I almost ralfed when I read that link, but gee wiz am I glad I did!

Anonymous said...

Muster your courage and click "here are the questions"... you can take the quiz.

The results are as follows:
0-1 Exclusively heterosexual
2-3 Predominantly heterosexual
6-7 Equally heterosexual and homosexual
10-11 Predominantly homosexual
12-13 Exclusively homosexual

If you answer all the questions "straight", you still get a 2! What's the deal? Is everyone at least a little gay according to Epstein?

If you answer, Q#9 (have frequent gay sex i.e. sword fights) -><- according to Epstien you are mostly NOT GAY!

Can anyone get a score of 0 or a 13?

Anyhow, it's time for me to drink my morning pee.