Monday, October 23, 2006

Foley's Axel's

This story begins about a month or two ago... I was trying to sell my old digital camera on eBay, and I ran into a whole lot of muck:

Message: This is a complicated story, with quite a few details.

This is the item number: 19469213723

I put my item up for sale, and the highest bidder, formerly known as
"crystal_dawn49556" (now a non-registered user who changed his eBay ID
to "cheerfuldennis" also now a non-registered user) won it for $120.49,
I contacted him and sent him an invoice. He never replied. According to
eBay, his address is:

Dennis Morgan
320 Church Ave.
Raleigh, NC
27606

I looked this up on maps.google.com and it does not exist!

The shipping address for the item was for:

Deborah Jordan
108 Seven Mile
Blanchard, MI
49310

Since "Dennis" never responded, I called up "Deborah Jordan" twice. A
woman picked up the phone both times, and said that Ms. Jordan was not
there, and that she would leave a message but knew of no one by the name
of "Dennis Morgan". She sounded concerned and legitimate, she was
helpful, but I have not yet heard from "Ms. Jordan".

Then, I checked MYeBay again, and despite my auction having the
specification as shipping to US ONLY, a new shipping address appeared as
NIGERIA. This set off alarms, as I have heard (from Rich Berger) about other e-mail scams
asking gullible Americans to send money to Nigerian Princes, etc. I grew
very concerned at this point. I e-mailed eBay, and they responded with a
way of getting a contacts phone number.

Next...

I got the phone number for "Dennis Morgan" through eBay, it is (919)
926-1220. I called the number, and a man picked up claiming to be
"Dennis." The reception was terrible, and after a little further
investigation it turns out it is a NetZero Internet phone number, which
may explain the bad reception. He said he wanted me to ship it to
Nigeria, and sent through e-mail to me the following address:

Oluwafemi Morgan,
20B Apake, General Hospital Road,
Ogbomo, Oyo State, Nigeria.
234038

I eventually sent him an email (for which he has never responded) that I
am NOT going to ship it to Nigeria. And that I instructed him NOT to pay
me, since I think he had no intention of EVER paying me.

Later this evening, it appeared on MYeBay, that cheerfuldennis is no
longer a registered user! So, at this point I am thinking to myself...
What is going on here?!

Currently, I filed for a return of the Final Value Fee, which I have
already paid, and I gave the second highest bidder a second offer.

So that is the whole story, here is where eBay comes in...

On one hand, this may all be perfectly innocent. Dennis Morgan may
actually exist, despite a dubious address.

But on the other hand, why was "Deborah Jordan" of Michigan listed as
the person I should ship to, and then why did the man on the phone then
send me an address in Nigeria to ship to?

Why has cheerfuldennis canceled his registration?

I feel like there are too many fishy things for this all to be an
innocent case of someone who just wasn't very fast with payment.

Please let me know what you think, I am a little concerned that I came
very close to being defrauded.

Thank you,
The Deadly Gamesman

OK:

eBay eventually got back to me and let me know they would do some of their own investigation.

I sold the camera to a woman from Saddle Brook, New Jersey. I mailed it to her and...


She breaks it.

Now, of course, I knew I sent her a camera in working condition. But, she claims it arrived broken. After some argumentation I agree to refund her money, and she mails it back to me, and sure enough, it's broken. The LCD screen is now fuzzy, and pink.

I bring it to Best Buy, where I have a four-year warranty, and they agree to repair it. (It is currently being worked on by the Geek Squad, or so I have been led to believe.)

I thought I might also mention that Robin S. (The woman who bought it the second time) had many curious purchases on eBay of her own. According to her bidding history, the only other items she has purchased are flip-flops (hundreds of them) and cat accessories (such as jingle-jangley bell collars, also hundreds of these).

Last Friday my internet broke. My mom thinks I cut the cable when I was mowing the backyard. I think it was something else. I was right, because my internet is working again (all of a sudden.)

Time: 11pm. Date: Friday, October 20th.

Since it wasn't working, I go to Lincoln Road (I live in Miami Beach). This is a very popular outdoor-mall/walking street. My intention is to steal wi-fi internet from someone that lives in one of the numerous apartment buildings that surround Lincoln Road. I might also add that Lincoln Road has a huge Gay population, and a very large number of Gay bars. Think of Birdcage mixed with the Laramie Project, and sprinkle on a little Truman Capote.

I pull into a parking space, after circling around for a little bit with laptop open, on my lap, beneath the steering wheel. I parallel park into a space (there were a lot of unencrypted networks here, between Meridian Avenue and Lincoln Road) behind a Red Dodge Viper Convertible.

I look up, and to my great pleasure I see a vanity plate. I love reading vanity plates, I would never get one of course, but I do very much enjoy reading them.

This one said: RP FOLEY

Hmmm, that sounds farmiliar. Wait, holy shit! Representative Foley! Click! Lincoln Road = Gay Central! Click! Red, Sportscar, Convertible (as described by a NY Times article)! Click!

THIS IS MARK FOLEY'S FUCKING CAR! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

What do I do what do I do?! Should I wait for him to come back? Holy fucking shitballs!

I immediately thumb-off a text message, to what I think it Richard Berger's cell phone number: (919) 926-1220 (It sounded familiar right? NY Area codes, start with 212, or 917, or 919 or something right?)

The Message:

Vanity
plate red dodge
viper in front
of my car is rp
foley!

FUCK! Then it occurs to me... Rich's number starts with a 917..... !

I'm thinking, Goddamit, goddamit, why haven't I added him to my contacts yet?!

Sweating, the A/C off, sitting with my headlights off behind the the Rep. Foley's car, feeling very sketchy, I do a quick Google search for a Reverse-Area Code lookup website. 919...

What is 919... OH FUCK! That's Raleigh, NC! I just sent a text message to Dennis Morgan!

So, after feeling a little embarrased, I forward the text message to a lot of other people, Rich included, and begin to feel a little bit better.

But I still can't take a picture of the plate, because my camera, which is usually in my car, is being fondled by the Geek Squad right now. Argh!

I decide to take a picture with camera phone, but feeling unsatisfied I go home, and risk losing my spot behind his car to get my mom's camera. I rush home, the dog barks at me in the night.

I floor it back to Lincoln Road, the spot is ofcourse taken, but thank the blogger Muses, Mark Foley's car is still there! Fhew!

So here are the long awaited pictures of Mark Foley's rear-end:








8 comments:

Tom said...

Sick post.

Dan and I attended a stand-up comedy show tonight where a lot of stuff like this happened:

Comedian: Okay, guys in the audience--how many of you are here on dates??
(no one claps, complete silence.)
Comedian (in stride): Yeah, I know what you guys are feeling. Relationships, man, the thing about relationships... &c &c &c

Rich said...

i am touched that you thought of me first when you saw foley's wheels.

i remember the text message like it was friday night...

Nostradamus said...

great post

Anonymous said...

eric,

good job. best post in a LONGGG time

the actual rod said...

you're an ugly motherfucker, eric, but good guerrilla journalism, and good call on the reverse lookup.

also, that looks like a pretty good parking job on foley's part--he can walk to the curb from there!

(zing!)

ps: the word verification of this post was 'piwiwa', which i believe i saw, incidentally, in one of the maf54 im conversations

Eric said...

Ugly? Ugly like a fox maybe.

boricuaflava06@yahoo.com said...

You're not gonna believe this, I got an offer from Dennis Morgan too!!! He gave me the exact same address you have shown on your blog! I was a little bit suspicious so thank god, I found your page, I don't think I am going to sell it to him now, if he's never going to pay or anything. Thanks a lot man!

88 keys~ said...

I got a shady offer from Dennis morgan too, wanting me to send money to Nigeria with my item. Sorry Dennis, your little scandals busted.