Not About Delino DeShields

Doctor: Good news, Brad! You don't have Ebola anymore! Brad: That's amazing! Can I leave? I want to see my girlfriend, my famil...

Friend of Guy with a Hole in his Head : A fucking parking ticket? Jesus - I need that like a need a hole in the head. Guy with a Ho...

Paul Wolfowitz: Mr. President, I'm concerned about elements from the Ba'ath Party in Southern Iraq. GWBush: Bath party? We had o...

"It's true, my shit doesn't stink - but I'm still a deeply flawed individual! I'm an inadequate husband and employ...

Announcer: Final boarding call for flight 273 to Los Angeles... the gate has closed for flight 273, there will be no more boarding. Guy...

[A cute HOSTESS is at a maitre d' stand in front] Charles Schwab (nudging Grandson like "watch this"): Reservation for 2 f...

Bro #1: Dude, what's the big deal with her. She's like a 2. Bro #2: Come on bro, she like brought liberty to all these people a...

You kids, you have it easy. With your iPhones and your SnapChat, sending out a dick pic is as easy as hitting a button.  But back in my ...

I recently spent some time in Los Angeles, meeting with people to try to further my writing career. But those meetings were every other day ...

Cute Girl: And who are you? BetaBro: I'm Heisenberg!  [No response] BetaBro: From Breaking Bad. I even have the broken nose ...