Finally

Something practical for Alex to spend his money on.

True Love

Apologies

With United 93 coming out and all, I'd like to apologize for not posting to commemorate the anniversary of the day everything changed a couple months back.

Also, I'm sorry dear readers, but Rico is no longer a Delino Team Member. Using his newfound internet skills, he has decided to move back to Mexico City and look online for what the chicanos call amor (note: that is a real link. Also, I am 1.6 meters tall and weigh 63kg)

Superstar [no content]

So, for anyone interested (read: Nate Meyvis), I'm supposed to be on "Geraldo At Large," which apparently is Geraldo's show on Fox, tomorrow.

You can use this site to find out when it airs where you are.

The Early Line

Our very own Alex "Yahtzem" Jacob is at 2000-1 to win the WSOP Main Event. So is Stevesbets, also known as Steve Jacobs. Oddly enough the site screwed up and called wrote Alex Jacobs and Steven Jacob. Should we all bet on Al?

He'll always be Al to us

He may have fame and (more) fortune now, but Alex "Yahtzem" Jacob remains a humble and devoted blogger. Or so he said in his interview with Blogs and the Blogging Bloggers who Blog Them magazine for the May 2006 issue. One other excerpt was made available to the public:

Blog magazine: "So what are you going to do with all that money? Buy a car? Buy a night with someone else's wife? Set up a Delino DeShields blog scholarship fund?"
Al: "Actually, I plan on paying Hasbro an undisclosed sum in order to ensure that they make a new Shout About game available for my enjoyment every day for the rest of my life."

The Immigration Question Hits Home

There's been a lot of talk lately about how we need Mexican illegal immigrants in this country because they take the many jobs that Americans simply won't do. These are the lowest, dirtiest, worst-paid, most dangerous jobs in the market, and, according to some, only Mexican immigrants will do them. Well we here at Delino thought that seemed like a pretty ridiculous idea, and dismissed it as a liberal fantasy.

So, when we posted this job on Craigslist, we expected to be flooded with e-mails from American citizens. But day after day went by, and no one was responding. Finally, after nearly a month, an illegal immigrant named Rico offered his services and Rich hammered out a deal with him under the table. Therefore, we are delighted to announce the new, revamped CHESS BABE OF THE MONTH, BY RICO. His first post should be any day now...

NSA Spying Scandal Exclusive

When President Bush's warrantless NSA spying program was revealed in December, it caused a lot of objections and anger from liberals and civil libertarians. They claimed it was not only illegal but UNNECESSARY. As to the former, i'll leave that to the Perry Masons of the blogosphere. But our sources have given Delino an exclusive scoop into the inner workings of the system before the NSA spying program, and after you read it, you will definitely not deem the program unnecessary.

Here is a transcript that shows how the NSA used to obtain possible terrorists' cell phone numbers, pre-spying program, in a typical case:

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[Alberto Gonzales sits at a bar in a Muslim part of Washington, DC. He has come here a couple times in the last few weeks and has been chatting up the men sitting next to him for a little while tonight. He is drinking an Amstel Light.]

Gonzales [addressing Ahmed, seated to his right]: Man, I had a great time tonight. Let's meet up again this weekend, maybe some soccer, a movie, whatever. (taking out his cell phone) I'll give you a ring, we'll set it up. So what're your digits?

Ahmed: Actually, I'm kind of in a hurry.

Gonzales: Oh that's cool. How 'bout I give you my number, and then you call me and I store your shit. Save some time. I'm 202-365-9054.

Ahmed: Uhh... yeah. I really gotta go. Maybe I'll catch you around here again though.

Gonzales: Seriously, it'll only take a second.

Ahmed: Sorry, I'm just out the door.
[Ahmed exits bar]
[Gonzales turns to Mohammed, on his left]
Gonzales: Hey, Muhammed, my man. So, funny story. I'm on a business trip and I'm taking a bath at the hotel. My wife calls the cell and starts yapping to me about how the kids need to be driven to Little League, or soccer practice, I dunno, some bullshit. So I say, "Oh really honey, that's very important, continue," putting the phone on the side of the tub so I can just relax while she's yammering. But all of a sudden I get a call from my buddy John, the phone vibrates, and BAM! It's in the water. Phone's fucked, SIM card's fucked. Now I need to recompile all the contacts. So what's Ahmed's number again?

Muhammed: I'm not sure.

Gonzales: Really? You guys seemed like friends, so I just figured you'd know it. Hey what about your number, I mean I'd love to hang out this weekend. How's your Saturday looking?

Muhammed: Oh, you know what, I just remembered I've got a thing. Sorry I couldn't help you out. Later.
[Muhammed exits bar]
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p.s. check out Tom's debut post at The Delino Factor for Kids

A Cautionary Tale

For all us bloggers out there who think we have an infinite amount of time to produce all the brilliant posts that we have been dreaming up. Look what happened to this man.

A Joke?

I will not change a single detail because this actually came to me in a dream:

Two parents are sitting in the living room of their apartment. Their baby boy (a 1-year-old) is sitting at the family computer. The baby starts crying.

Dad (taking baby in arms): Aw, there, there, what's wrong honey?
(Dad looks at computer screen, starts bawling)
Mom: What's wrong guys, did the Pope die (again)? Did Britney and Kevin split up? Is Brangelina's baby ugly?
Baby (choking back tears): No, I just saw that Rich moved Salam to "Might Never Update Again." Why, Mommy, why?