Separated At Birth #1

In this nifty new feature, I choose two people (Yale or celebrity) who look so similar that one might say they were "separated at birth." I prefer to do ones that go across racial lines, for more of a challenge. The first one is: Miguel Lopez (TC '06) and Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL). Will get Miguel's picture to not be a link at some point, but right now just log in to thefacebook.com before you see that picture.

Research at library

I'm looking at old newspapers on microfilm in the library. This would be tolerable, except that my iPod broke. Also, I am looking at this book's footnotes to find which issues of The Los Angeles Times are relevant to my topic, which saves me a lot of time because I don't have to read through all of them myself. But occasionally there will be an issue that is footnoted but in fact has no mention of my topic, wasting easily 8 minutes of my time per instance. For this, historian Scott L. Bottles, I hope you die (despite saving me all that other time). Wait, just checked and the book was written in 1954. So I guess you probably are dead anyway, Bottles.

Editor's Note: thanks to Tom Lehman for a key revision.

Squash Rankings revised

This is still bullshit, and it's hard to do this properly because people haven't played each other. Also, I am definitely the second or third best (only Dave, who is a real gentleman, might be better). And Rich, Molly, and Tom should be disqualified for winning almost all their points by using a cheap serve. Real class act guys. Also, Molly wouldn't play me again, adding to her great sportsmanship. Truly, you should all take a page out of the Dave Lieberman book by not using cheap serves and by agreeing to play however many matches your opponent wants instead of angle-shooting.

Let me explain what happened here: Noah stays as is at number 1, self-explanatory. Dave moved ahead of Rich even though he didn't play today because Rich lossed 3 times to Alex, which is considered a poor showing. Tom stayed put with a 2-1 record v. Dan and a 2-2 record v. Molly. Molly jumped ahead of Dan because she beat me in one match and refused to play a second one, so even though our lifetime record is 2-2, she moves ahead because I agreed on it with her because I'm a nice guy- last time I do that. Alex only moves up one spot, I wish I could do more but Al didn't play me and has never beaten me, he lost to Molly, and didn't play Tom. So his victories against Rich could only be reflected in his own moving up one spot and in Rich's moving down one spot. Any comments or questions, put in the comments section. And Rich, Tom and Molly you're all overrated and terrible.

1. NOAH HEYMANN
2. DAVE LIEBERMAN
3. RICH BERGER
4. TOM LEHMAN
5. MOLLY SWARTZ
6. DAN BERGER
7. ALEX JACOB
8. NICK ATWOOD
9. JOE BOONSIRI

Breaking News

As you'll recall 5 minutes ago, I said, "There are about 30 cops standing outside even though there has not been any sign of a disturbance. I'd imagine Police Chief James Perotti might justify this by saying, 'It's not racial profiling, it's called playing the numbers.'"
WELL, it turns out there is a brawl happening outside of Toad's right now. So I guess Mr. Perotti is now saying "I told you so" to all those members of the PC-gestapo.

Ray

In honor of the Oscars, I watched Ray just now. What a piece of shit movie. The plot was pretty much Ray loses sight, Ray makes gold record, Ray gets married, Ray gets addicted to heroin, Ray makes gold record, Ray has a mistress, Ray gets arrested, Ray gets clean and has a gold record. The story was told literally in that "this happened then that happened then this happened" kind of way, with no attachment to the characters or to any particular storyline.
I would have much preferred if it had turned out that Ray was never famous and successful, but in fact one of his friends was an asshole who put him in small rooms and played the sound of loud applause to trick him into thinking he was in a concert hall. Which brings me to my next point- how the fuck does the Braille number system work? You'd think they'd make it so 1 was one dot, 2 was two dots, etc. with each digit 0-9. But it's completely random and weird. That is really Ray Charles' greatest accomplishment, figuring out the Braille number system.

New Squash Rankings

These rankings are based on results, which is in my opinion a pretty inaccurate indicator of skill, but the players on The Circuit are clamoring for results-based rankings. Note that I have gotten rid of any peripheral players. I might add that this is bullshit and I'm the best except for Noah.

1. NOAH HEYMANN
2. RICHARD BERGER
3. DAVE LIEBERMAN
4. TOM LEHMAN
5. DAN BERGER - Absurd, I should be number 2 and will be after a few more victories over Tom
6. MOLLY SWARTZ- only a couple wins would push her to #4 or #3, this was a close decision
7. NICK ATWOOD
8. ALEX JACOB
9. JOE BOONSIRI

Squash Awards

A few awards to give out:

Most Overrated Male Player: RICH BERGER- What is so great about his game? Is it the cheap serves? Or perhaps that he spazzes whenever you question a call? Maybe someone can clue me in.

Most Overrated Female Player: MOLLY SWARTZ- OK, she beat me once. That's no reason to get all uppity.

Most Underrated Male Player: DAN BERGER- Like the late, great Rodney Dangerfield, "I get no respect, no regard," despite being an excellent, well-rounded player.

Most Underrated Female Player: MOLLY SWARTZ- By default, since she's the only female player on The Circuit.

Most Improved Player Award: ALEX JACOB- Definitely better mobility and shot-making, almost beat me and Tom.

Rookie of the Year: ERIC LIEBERMAN- A promising youngster.

Sportsmanship Award: TOM LEHMAN- Always willing to play one more game.

Jackie Robinson Award: THE BLACK GUY WHO RUNS THE SQUASH CENTER- self-explanatory.

G Heav

I've had a revelation in the last 2 days. Get your Gourmet Heaven sandwiches pressed on the grill! The bread is so much crunchier and tastier. If only I had a time machine and could change all those sandwiches I had either microwaved or just with no heating at all.

Comments

I'd like to encourage comments. I changed the settings so that anyone, not just the blogging elite can make comments. This is a two-way street, people. This is like a sports talk-radio show. Speaking of which, my friend Dave and I met Mad Dog from WFAN's Mike and the Mad Dog, at the US Open last year. I also called into the show once, in 1997. The conversation went something like this:

Mad Dog: Daniel from Manhattan, you're on the air.

Me: Glenn Foley... (a series of electronic beeps)... Neil O'Donnell... (a series of electronic beeps)... Noooooo.

Thanks, Mom, for getting a portable phone that ran out of batteries after half an hour of waiting. I didn't even get to say, "First time, long time."

Cardplayer writers who don't write about strategy are terrible

Thanks, Vince Burgio, for this informative article about poker. I mean I never looked at it that way. You should really send this writing sample to the New Yorker. A quote:

"Maybe not as obnoxious, but just as silly (at least to me), is watching every week to see which guy or girl the handsome or beautiful most eligible bachelor or bachelorette will choose as his or her mate for life. Yeah, sure! I wouldn’t want to bet that any of these couples will see their golden wedding anniversary.

And who in his right mind could compare any silliness of poker to that show they call Big Brother, where the house is bugged with cameras and every move of the contestants is televised."

Zing!® and Double Zing!® Boy, Vince, you really stuck it to those reality TV shows. And the passive voice, the repetition of "or" 4 times in one sentence, the "Yeah, sure!" - move over Hemingway, it's Burgio time.