Tip Jar

I'm at Bulldog Burrito® with Matt and after wolfing down a shredded chicken taco, I decide that I want some dessert. So I order a flan, and owner Jason Congdon (bizarro Tyler Francis) goes to the back to make it for me. Now flan costs $3.50 at this place, but when I look in my wallet I only have $2.37. Wait, I also had a $2 bill, but if you think I'm wasting a gem like that on some shitty overpriced Mexican dessert, you're sorely mistaken.
Anyway, as Congdon's in the back cooking up flan, I panic. I realize that if I was short say 25 cents, he'd let it slide- but over $1, he might just say "No Flan for you!" So, quick goat-thinking, I look down at the tip jar and see several dollar bills in there. This was clearly not a give a penny take a penny type deal, this was a tip jar- though it should be noted that i'd given 30 cents to the tip jar just 10 minutes earlier. After a brief hesitation, I take a dollar bill out of the jar as quickly as possible and put it with my own money. Then I realize that I still only have $3.37. At this point, time is of the essence, and Congdon or one of his Mexican indentured servants could be coming out at any moment and catch me in the act. I quickly snag a quarter, giving me enough for the $3.50 plus tax. Now relaxed, I joke with Matt about the Seinfeld episode where George gets caught with his hand in the tip jar. Congdon comes back and tells me he was going to give me the flan for free, but I feel bad so I insist on giving him the money. Seems like end of story, right?
WRONG. As I walk away from the counter, I glance up and see a SECURITY CAMERA trained right on the cash register area where I committed my dastardly deed. I'm on tape! Ordinarily, I would say "eh, he'll never check the footage." But Congdon is maniacal in his obsession with Bulldog Burrito. The man lives for that place, and maybe even sleeps there. I feel like even when he leaves the restaurant, he goes home to watch security footage so he can feel like he's still there. He probably also has an instant replay booth set up like an NFL referee, with headphones and a tarp to cover his head. This means I won't be going back to Bulldog Burrito any time soon, which is terrible because I really am going to miss their delightfully mediocre to sub-par Mexican offerings.