Ben Gold, Supreme Kourt Komedian

NOTE: I'd like to bring to yout attention the addition of the blogs of two of my school chums from New Haven, Nick's Corner and Immortalized Stillicide.

After receiving a tour of the Supreme Court from tour guide Ben Gold, Mr. Gold handed me the following brochure:

Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Eddie Murphy, Jerry Seinfeld... and now Ben Gold, Supreme Kourt Komedian. That's right, this is a limited time offer to receive The Best of Ben Gold on VHS or DVD, absolutely free! Watch this balding, obese, lisping man rip through all your favorite routines as he gives you a tour of the Highest Court in the Land (not high on marijuana, silly- that was outlawed in the historic The Man v. Stoners decision) A few highlights:

"The builders of the Supreme Court finished the main structure. And then they had $1 million left over, so they coated the ceiling with 23 karat gold. And they STILL had $95,000 left- so they handed it back to the US Treasury. This was, of course, the first time a government project had ever gone UNDER budget, yes yes."

"That relief of Napoleon is about 7 feet tall. So I guess that would be TWICE as big as he was in real life."

"What do the justices do in their time off? Well I believe Justice Rehnquist spends most of his vacations Waterskiing!"

"That concludes the tour, but downstairs we have a 20 minute long video, some portraits of the justices, the famous spiral staircase, a gift shop, and a snack bar. Oh, and did I mention the gift shop?"

This video can not be found in stores, so buy yours today! Still not convinced? See what some of your fellow Americans had to say:

"Oh ah liked him, he was fun-ny! And the snack bah, don't fuhget that. They had a chili cheese dawg, mm-hmm"
-A fat idiot from Texas wearing an American flag shirt and jean shorts who sat in front of me and blocked my view

"Ben's always been funny. Ever since he was a little baby. In fact, he was on the borscht belt circuit when he was 4. These were the later years of course. Jackie Mason, Red Buttons, Buddy Hackett. But I digress. Anyway, Ben would get out there and he only had one joke, but people loved it. He'd say, 'Why did the chicken cross the road?... Ca Ca' They went absolutely wild."
-Ben's mother, Shirley Gold