The OTHER War

Can we please stop it this holiday season with the "War on Christmas" bullshit from O'Reilly and his acolytes. In most stores I enter I'm bombarded by "White Christmas" or "Noel, Noel" or some other tripe.

I'd like to talk to my dear blog readers about a real, pressing problem. And that is the WAR ON UDAY HUSSEIN'S HALF-BIRTHDAY, or the WOUHHB. As we all know, Uday Saddam Hussein al-Tikriti was brought into this world on the glorious day of June 18, 1964. And that is why traditionally, we celebrate Uday Hussein's Half-Birthday on December 18 of every year.

For many years, the beginning of the "Uday Hussein's Half-Birthday Season" had been getting pushed back farther and farther into November. Some, myself included, even said the holiday was becoming too crassly commercial- I mean this is about celebrating six months after the birth of the Little Baby Lamb of Iraq, not video iPods. But with Uday's untimely death in 2003, the holiday took on a new significance, and was really making headway in returning to its roots.
Yet in the last year or so, we've seen a disturbing backlash against Uday's half birthday-- the WOUHHB as I call it.

Folks, ya see the time was, a decent, God-fearing American family could walk into a department store and be treated to the sounds of "Uday's Half-Birthday Wonderland," "Have Yourself A Merry Little Uday's Half-Birthday," or even "Here Come Saddam and Qusay."
Families would compete to see whose lawn could feature a better diorama of Uday murdering his father's food taster and personal valet Kemal Hana Gegeo by bludgeoning him to near-death with a cane and then cutting him up with an electric carving knife. The family would crowd around the television to watch the Peanuts Uday Hussein's Half-Birthday Special where Charlie Brown, in honor of Uday, would tell his football teammates that if they didn't win he would cut off their legs and throw them to ravenous dogs.

But now the Secular-Progressives are trying to ruin our glorious holiday traditions with their WOUHHB! I walked into KMart the other day and someone said "Happy Holidays" to me. I mean I really don't know if I can live in a country where someone with traditional values like mine has to feel uncomfortable celebrating this wonderful holiday openly. But there's a way out. We can fight back against the S-Ps. And with that in mind, I happily wish you and yours a MERRY UDAY HUSSEIN'S HALF-BIRTHDAY and to all a good night!