Barber #1: OK, Trolley Problem-- Trolley goin' down the tracks, about to hit a child - but if you flip a switch, it'll hit five manatees on the other track and save the child. What'd you do?
Barber #2 (instantly): Ooooh that's a easy one!
Customer: Yeah fo sho- you flip that fuckin' switch!
Barber #2: WHAT?! This mothafucka would flip the switch?! And kill all them manatees!
Customer: But I'd be savin' a child! A thinkin', talkin' human being!
Barber #1: What the fuck have them manatees done to you that you wanna kill 'em?! Been cute? Been the pride of Florida? Been a great sight to see as a bonding activity for grandparents and grandkids? Those sound like some capital mothafuckin' offenses to you?!
Barber #2: That's it! You outta here! Get tha fuck out of mah barbershop!
Customer: Ok, Ok, let's all calm down now. Save the manatees, save the kid, it don't matter. (Turning to Barber #1) We all brothas here, right?
Barber #1: You heard the man- get the fuck out of the barbershop, you manatee-murderin' mothafucka! (Barber #1 physically pushes Customer out of the barbershop) (Barber #1 and Barber #2 are now alone in the barbershop)
Barber # 2: Save the kid, kill the manatees? Shit, I seen some crazy mothafuckas in this shop but that one takes the cake!
4 comments:
finally, someone sends up florida's manatee fetish!
as a native floridian, trust me -- this is barely satire.
tom solves the comment vs note in reader problem...
great post dan
People in Florida hate those fat sea cows.
PS: Tom lost his right to call Florida his home a long time ago.
Yankee go home!
Take it from a Lauderdale native: there are far too many fat land cows (I mean, below-average-intellience human beings) down there and not enough manatees.
Sorry kid, but you should have been smart enough to stay off the tracks. Nite nite.
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