Saturday, August 23, 2008

An Observation about Screenplays

I've been reading some screenplays and teleplays lately and is it just me or have the action lines (scene descriptions) gotten more extensive than they used to be? Take this scene for example from a script I recently read:


JENNY, 18, lithe brunette lies on her bed next to STAN, 18, average-looking brown-haired guy with GLASSES.
This is the last time they'll see each other until Thanksgiving Break, and they want to make it special. The hot summer air wafts in from an open window. The mood is sensuous. Like somehow, for a moment, rural Kentucky has been transformed into Havana. SWEAT glistens on Jenny's lips and DRIBBLES down her neck. Silence. Stan TAKES IN THE MOMENT. Jenny REACHES OVER and STICKS A BIC PEN UP STAN'S ASSHOLE. Why the fuck not, right? It's a fucking screenplay, I mean go do your boring missionary bullshit in your own bedroom - I'm trying to open people's minds here, it's called ART. Look it up in the dictionary, Mr. Concerned Parent over there. Like your daughter's gonna be scarred for life if she sees a little anal- NEWSFLASH she's probably banging the black kid on the basketball team already. Jeez OK, what else happens? Um, so Stan is surprised at first but then he LIKES IT. He's really GETTING INTO IT as Jenny moves the pen around in there. Wait, also "My Back Pages" is playing in the background shit I forgot to mention that. The Dylan version, not The Byrds' version. DEFINITELY not the Byrds' version - I mean jesus it's a WISTFUL song not a fucking hippie chant; does a three-part harmony sound wistful to you? Where was I? Oh yeah, Stan is into it and we can see an idea forming in his head. He looks at Jenny - she appears totally COMFORTABLE and OPEN TO ANYTHING.

Hey, Jenny. Do you want a Joe Biden dick-pic?

Do I want a vodka tonic?

STAN (shifting his eyes around the room)
Yeah, uh, a vodka tonic.

HARRY REID is standing in the corner behind a chest of drawers. STAN nods to him. Harry Reid furtively leaves the room, taking a MANILA ENVELOPE FILLED WITH JOE BIDEN DICK-PICS with him. He leaves behind a SIGNED COPY OF HIS BEST-SELLING BOOK "THE GOOD FIGHT." Man, that is a great fucking book. Seriously go read it.

Monday, August 04, 2008

More Trip Leader Instructions in Israel

"OK guys, it's going to be very hot out there and we are doing a lot of walking so make sure to bring your water bottles. Also, it is going to be very sunny out there and we're going to be doing a lot of leering so make sure to bring your sunglasses!"

p.s. new Israel content will be trickling in and then back to your scheduled Delino programming by the end of the week