Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Scene from a Hollywood Hills Party

Fat Asian Chick: Hey yo it's McLovin'!

Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Hi, nice to meet you. My name's actually Christopher

Fat Asian Chick's Equally Fat Sister: Holy shit, it's really McLovin'!

Christopher Mintz-Plasse: No, as I said my name's Christopher

Fat Asian Chick: Yo get a picture of me wit McLovin'

Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Please stop calling me that

[Fat Asian Chick's Equally Fat Sister snaps a picture. She shows it to Fat Asian Chick on the digital camera's LCD screen]

Fat Asian Chick: Let's get one more. Come on McLovin', smile in this one!

Christopher Mintz-Plasse: My name is Christopher!

[Fat Asian Chick's Equally Fat Sister snaps another picture. She shows it to Fat Asian Chick]

Fat Asian Chick: Eh, that'll do. But yo McLovin', you could've at least flashed some teeth. [turning to her sister] Looks like they're running out of Patron - let's down some before it's all gone!

[Fat Asian Chick and her sister waddle off to the bar, leaving Christopher Mintz-Plasse alone]

Christopher Mintz-Plasse (sighing): Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Lamest Generation

Grandson: Grandpa, just accept it - you're a little beta bitch

Dad: Grandpa is not beta - he fought in the war. That's a bit more alpha than fighting in your little World of Wizardcraft, wouldn't you say?

Grandpa (showing his disfigured hand): I lost both pinkies to the Nazis. You call that beta?

Grandson: Ooh.... pinkies! Call me when you've got a severed limb. Look, when you guys are deciding your schedule, who has ultimate authority? Grandma. When you pull up to our house, who's driving? Grandma. You should get a license plate, I AM BETA

Dad: GRANDPA IS NOT BETA! He is an Alpha Dog! He killed six Nazis!

Grandpa: SEVEN NAZIS! That last one was point-blank range! STOP SAYING I'M BETA!

Grandson: Well Gramps, when you stop asking your little health aide Kyung Sook, "Is there anything I can get you for your birthday, I know it's coming up soon?" I'll stop calling you beta, OK?

Grandpa: I'M NOT BETA!

Grandson: YES. YOU. ARE.

Dad: Alright that's it, we're playing the silent game. Go!

(beat- everyone's silent for a good minute. Grandpa starts to nod off)

Grandson (whispering into Grandpa's ear): Betaaaaaaa.....