Monday, January 12, 2009

California Exports Article I found in SF Chronicle

San Francisco Chronicle, January 12, 2009
San Francisco, CA- With the national economy languishing in a deep recession, states all across the country are hurting financially. California, with an economy the size of France's, is no exception. California, with an economy the size of France's, has been bleeding jobs in all of its major employment sectors, from entertainment to aerospace to technology. Exports are down 10% on the year. But the one bright spot for California, which has an economy the size of France's, has been the Jewish Aunt sector. The California Association of Jewish Aunts (CAJA) reports that the Jewish Aunt industry is thriving in California, with a 12% increase in Jewish Aunts in the last quarter of 2008 alone. CAJA spokeswoman Glenda Greenberg says, "In these tough economic times, people naturally turn to the basic, blue-chip industries. And since time immemorial, Jewish Aunts have been at the core of our society and economy." CAJA calculates that growth in the Jewish Aunt industry in California has been strongest in the eccentric and the wildly liberal categories, with the spinster group not far behind. Growth has been split fairly evenly between the Bay Area and the Los Angeles metropolitan region, with a small percentage in San Diego. Asked why so few Jewish Aunts are being produced in the Inland Empire in the eastern portion of the state, Greenberg replied, "Neo-Nazis and shmucks who buy subprime mortgages they can't afford are not exactly good neighbors for the Jewish Aunt product line. You think you can find a decent bagel in Bakersfield? Good luck! You're meshuggenah!"

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Breaking News

(AP) - Zurich, Switzerland

Memeologists at the Swiss Polytechnic Institute have made a stunning discovery with the uncovering of a new Meme. Expert Memeologists have discovered a Meme in which in the early 1990s, underprivileged children at arcades across America would "play" an arcade game but actually not have put any money in the machines, and really only be seeing a demonstration of the game that they could not control at all. Jacques Rocquefort, the lead researcher on the project, says, "This is a paradigm-shifter. This is a capital M meme. After viewing hours of footage of Crazy Taxi we discovered a pattern in the routes that we determined with 99 percent certainty was not random and was caused by a computer program rather than by human design." Rocquefort says his team's next project will be investigating whether affluent white children feeling guilty seeing the underprivileged children "play" the fake game is a Meme. They could have findings as early as March. Stay tuned...