Monday, April 28, 2008
Also, I ordered " for pick up" at a restaurant tonight (Chicken Schwarma with a Salad and "Green Goddess" dressing on the side), but then forgot I ordered it. Went home, showered, and now the restaurant is closed. Rich (what The Everyman's Library is to Moral Compasses (that's a compliment, ask Tom about my opinion on various publishing houses book covers)), should I go back tomorrow afternoon and pay for my order? Please advise. (No they did not ask my name or phone number. And yes, I know this earns me two dismerits on the EatRichly.com honor scale.)
Saturday, April 26, 2008
MSNBC: The Ugliest Team in Cable News
The Tim Russert Show: 3 experts. 50 years of political experience. 0 prom dates
Tim Russert- The old guy with a paunch standing alone in the corner of the bar.
Chuck Todd- Like Flight of the Conchords' Murray, but LESS suave.
David Gregory- You can't quite put your finger on it (is it the squinting?) but god damn it - SO FUCKING UGLY!
The Tim Russert Show: Expert analysis. Exclusive Interviews. Painfully uncomfortable interactions with women
Friday, April 25, 2008
“If it wasn’t for Teri being here, I’d shoot myself,” Weiss told me. “You know I’m the only Jew in this whole city?”
“You’re not the only Jew here,” Parks-Fox said. “What about Mark, the skinny guy with glasses?”
Weiss scoffed. “Mark? The first thing he told me when I met him was that he had just seen ‘The Passion of the Christ.’ ”
“You can’t be the only Jew in town,” Fox said.
“I checked the phone book,” Weiss told him.
“I’ve read that phone book,” Fox said. “I see lots of Shnitzes and Sals.”
“Those aren’t Jewish names, Daryl,” Weiss said.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
With the Pennsylvania Democratic primary coming up today, I felt it was important to address something that I've been meaning to tell people for a while now. As the recent controversy over Barack Obama's comments that "bitter" small-town Pennsylvanians cling to "guns" and "religion" showed, elitism is a major concern for the folks in Pennsylvania. They want to make sure the candidates are standing up for them, not looking down on them. And that is why, on the eve of the election, I feel I must reveal something to the voters of Pennsylvania...
Rich mocks people who make store names possessive that are not in fact possessive. Anyone who says "Duane Reade's" or "Chipotle's" or even "Barnes and Noble's" is the subject of complete and utter scorn from Rich.
So there you have it, Pennsylvania voters. I'm glad it's off my chest. Now you good folks can make your decision with all the necessary information available to you. See you at the polls!
Monday, April 21, 2008
It seems the MSM somehow let a story fall through the cracks in all their reporting on The Pope's Visit to Amereeeca. Deciding He would have a little fun with his loyal Flock, The Pope played a variant of the game "Simon Says" called "Pope Says":
Sunday, April 20, 2008
NEW YORK, NY - The Boston Random-Number Generators bested the New York Random-Number Generators tonight, with a final score of 4 to 2. Starting with the first pitch, some completely fucking random shit that was essentially the result of a Monte Carlo simulation happened. On hand were 60,000 screaming morons who have no concept of probability theory.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
So that's why I was so happy that Eric sent me this article from the YDN. This girl has learned the valuable lesson of the last decade- don't bother trying to fight your political enemy's stereotypes of you, EMBRACE THEM! This story has every conservative meme you can think of all rolled into one:
-Having abortions ON PURPOSE- fuck "sanctity of human life"- and videotaping them to show
-Going one step further by smearing dead fetus blood in the name of Art (shades of the Giuliani elephant dung?)
There will be a lot of liberals trying to distance themselves from this girl. I say, fuck it! She's just acting out on all the desires we liberals try to suppress out of fear of right-wingers. Liberal women's inner monologues are always saying "It's Saturday night and I don't have any plans- I just want to HAVE AN ABORTION, for kicks, to let off some steam! But no, no, I'll go out drinking like a good little girl. Don't want to offend people." But thanks to Aliza Shvarts, you're free now, gals! See, it wasn't so bad. What's the next step- Stem Cell-tinis at hip downtown clubs? Murderers sentenced to a lifetime... of HUGS? The possibilities are endless...
From: Aliza Shvarts
Date: April 17, 2008
HAHAHA look at the date... and subtract 16 days from it. You got splayed, you naive liberal! DOWN WITH MORAL HAZARD!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Gone are those innocent days when the family would gather around the television hearth and watch Wolf Blitzer animatedly describe Hurricane Andrew or El Nino while the reporter on the ground got pummeled with wind and rain.
Now it's all Mohammed el-this and Mahdi that. But I guess I don't blame Nature for trying to stay relevant in the current times. I mean there's a lot of re-invention going on out there; look at Converse with those All-Stars shoes that all the hipsters wear or Atari's renaissance. Maybe Nature can draw on our generation's nostalgia for those good ol' days. But the marketplace can be a cruel mistress and Nature should have something else in the pipeline if it wants to survive, or else fickle consumers could make Natural Disasters the new Tamagotchis.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Don't forget the Bialys
Thursday, April 10, 2008
BREAKING- LESTER HAS STARTED A NEW BLOG. IT IS MONEY. HE IS EVEN USING HIS CONNECTIONS OUT IN HOLLYWOOD TO PITCH A SITCOM IDEA ON THE BLOG. From the name of the blog, it seems like Lester is on the Beneficent Allah diet. Enjoy: http://lobstersandcocaine.blogspot.com
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
Foreign-sounding cab driver: My brozher tell me dere are over two hundred thousand jobs on Vall Street. But I don't understand- ees such a small street!
Me: Oh, no, no. Wall Street just refers to all the finance jobs in New York- most of them are in fact in midtown. It's a metonymy situation.
Foreign-Sounding Cab Driver: Ha! I must tell my brozher.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Subject: Mortgage Bailout
Date: April 1, 2008
I really think we should bail out those poor homeowners who are getting foreclosed on. I mean it’s not their fault- they were duped into thinking their houses’ value would go up and their interest rates would stay flat. I say if the government can bail out a financial giant like Bear Stearns, it should be able to bail out some needy homeowners. Moral hazard isn’t that big of a deal when it comes down to it.
Subject: Re: Mortgage Bailout
Date: April 1, 2008
Wow what a surprising position for you to take! Yeah you make a good point I mean why are they bailing out the banks if moral hazard is such a problem? So a few homeowners are shielded from their risks- big whoop! You’re turning into a regular Robert Reich over there.
Subject: Re: Re: Mortgage Bailout
Date: April 1, 2008
HAHAHAHHAHA! Look at the date. You got splayed, you naïve liberal! DOWN WITH MORAL HAZARD!!!!!