Saturday, June 28, 2014

Old-School Dick Pic Guy

You kids, you have it easy. With your iPhones and your SnapChat, sending out a dick pic is as easy as hitting a button. 

But back in my heyday, you know what it took to send a dick pic? First you had to take the picture with a little device we used to call a CAMERA. Then you had to get in your car and drive to the one-hour photo place. And you had to wait one hour while some pimply-faced shit processed the photo of your dong. THEN, you had to get back in your car and drive to the house of the woman you were interested in, and hand it to her. Or if GOD FORBID she wasn't home, you had to write your name on the back of it and slip it under her door. But what if you didn't have a pen? THEN you know what you had to do? You had to knock on some old lady neighbor's door to ask to BORROW a pen to label your weiner. The process might take up your entire day.

We had to crawl so you could run. So yeah, think about that next time you're firing off a DP to some rando. And let's not forget my great-grandfather, who had to pay a hundred dollars (in 1880!), stand still for half an hour, wait days for the photo to be developed, and then ride a horse 50 miles to deliver HIS dick pics.