Friday, August 10, 2012

Behind the Scenes at Casa McCain

[John McCain and Lindsey Graham are sitting on the couch. Cindy McCain enters]

John McCain: Gladiator's about to start - where are the damned snacks?

[Cindy McCain hands over a bag of piping-hot microwaved popcorn]
Cindy McCain: Here you go, boys

[John McCain throws the popcorn on the ground, kernels spilling everywhere]
John McCain: Goddamnit I'm a maverick you dumb bitch! You think I eat popcorn? When I'm watching a movie?! I'm a maverick! 

Lindsey Graham: Yeah if we went to a baseball game, you think John would get peanuts? Maybe a hot dog? With a lil ketchup and mustard?

[John McCain is guffawing]
John McCain: Hahaha that's a good one Linds! You know what I actually ate last time I was at a ball game? Garbanzo beans - just a whole can of raw chickpeas. Maverick! Not that this stupid cunt over here would notice

[Now Lindsey Graham is guffawing]
Cindy McCain: Hey Lindsey I bet I know what you like to snack on, ya big queer

Lindsey Graham: Now you wait just a gosh darned second! Just because I'm 57 years old and have never been married or even dated anyone and hang around exclusively with men doesn't mean jack squat! I'm straight as an arrow!

[John McCain throws scalding hot coffee at Cindy McCain]
[Cindy McCain leaves the room hysterically crying and burning]

Lindsey Graham (eyes tearing up): What a maverick thing to do, John

[John McCain gives his trademark John McCain smile]