ARGENTINIAN COUPLE STRANGLED TO DEATH BY DERANGED AMERICAN TOURIST
BUENOS AIRES (AP) - March 18, 2009 - In an international incident sure to spark tensions across the equator, American tourist Charles Frankenson (pictured at left with wife Annie) strangled an attractive Argentinian couple to death near Buenos Aires´s Plaza Dorrego in the San Telmo district.
Asked to explain himself later while in police custody, Frankenson cried, ¨I JUST WANTED THEM TO DANCE THE TANGO! IT´S A MEME! THEY WERE SO ARGENTINIAN AND ATTRACTIVE AND WELL-DRESSED WHY COULDN´T THEY JUST DANCE ONE FUCKING TANGO! I´ve been in this city for five days and I haven´t seen any of the memes I came here to see! The women are sipping Coca Light instead of wine, the steak came with cream sauce instead of in its own juices, there hasn´t been a single protest- hell there hasn´t even been a fucking soccer game for these energetic brown-skinned people to scream about! I was heading back to Omaha tomorrow - I just snapped!!!!¨
Asked to comment on the matter, President Barack Obama tentatively defended his countryman, telling reporters ¨Now look. Let´s wait until we have all the facts before we jump to any conclusions. My aides tell me that Mr. Frankenson was very hot and had not drank any water because he didn´t know the word for ´water´in Spanish and did not want to suffer the awkwardness of pointing to the water and being asked whether he wanted it ´with gas´or not and not really getting what the difference was. And you know, I myself was pretty miffed when I went to Rome on the one day the guards at the Vatican were getting their crazy uniforms laundered and wore standard military attire instead. So I think a little sympathy is in order here for Mr. Frankenson.¨President Obama then turned to an aide and yelled, ¨Make sure those damned guards are wearing the uniforms when I´m in Rome next time! I´m the fucking leader of the free world- I think I deserve some fucking silly uniforms. Jesus¨