Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Scene from a West Philadelphia Barbershop

Barber #1: Last time I was at the post office I picked me up some of them Forever Stamps

Barber #2: Ooooh yeah I got a whole envelope full of Forever Stamps. And not one of them regular envelopes you send a letter in and you gotta fold it up into thirds. A big ol' envelope like for taxes and shit

HipsterBro Customer: Actually, I read in Slate that Forever Stamps are a bad investment because inflation always rises faster than the price of stamps. So even though ordinary stamps get more expensive, they're relatively cheaper

Barber #1: What?! Do you have brain damage? What don't you understand about Forever? It's the same price, for-e-ver! That's a good mothafuckin' deal right there

Barber #2: That's right - what else stay the same price forever? You buy milk lately? That shit like four dollars a gallon!

HipsterBro Customer: Right but with inflation the stamps actually go down in p--

Barber #1: Son, ain't nothin' in this world last forever - not you, not your momma, not me, not the United States, not the Earth, not the Sun, hell maybe not even the mothafuckin' universe. But these stamps - they forever

HipsterBro: Yeah but this Slate piece said--

Barber #2: Why you in here anyway?

HipsterBro: Uh, I read about this barbershop in Philadelphia Weekly - it was a pick of the week

Barber #1: Well I ain't cuttin' yo hair. And he ain't cuttin' yo hair. So get the fuck outta here!

(HipsterBro leaves in a hurry)

Barber #2: Forever Stamps a bad investment? Some people, man

Barber #1: Next thing you know, someone gonna say I shouldn't have a thousand dollars worth of P.F. Chang's Gift Certificates in my drawer

Barber #2: Nah, no one dumb enough to fuck wit de ChangBucks. ChangBucks so solid - when China done investing in Treasury bonds they headin' straight for the ChangBucks.

Barber #1: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm

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