The Blogosphere taketh away and the Blogosphere giveth

Well, we thought we'd lost him to the deep abyss of defunct blogs, but I'm pleased to announce the return of Munz, one of the great early lights of blogging. And he's rearin' to talk about the topics which matter most to him. So without further ado, here is Politics and War. And Food.

No matter how many times I leave the office,

I always think that the outside door is push instead of pull. Be consistent NFL, be consistent. I can't push one door and pull another. It just doesn't make sense. You better watch out as well Hale and Hearty on 64th and Lex.

Delino Select

Due to declining advertising revenue from our corporate partners at Cosmopolitan, PBS, and Gesture Aficionado, and also in no small part to the expensive yearly Delino Christmas party and Rich's present (Metriod Classic for his GameBoy Advance), we are introducing a new, dynamic way to access great Delino content. Starting today, while we will continue to offer regular content, there will be a new area called DelinoSelect accessible only to paying members. Want to know more? Check out the nut graph.

Every week we will post teasers for the new articles available to DelinoSelect members. Here are this week's picks:

Inconsistencies In The Mighty Ducks
The Current Cinema
by Tom
In 1995, the Indian city of Bombay officially changed its name to Mumbai. Yet when Steven Brill and Jim Burnstein wrote their screenplay for D3: The Mighty Ducks a year later, they neglected to change main character Gordon Bombay's name to Gordon Mumbai...



Restaurant Review: My Apartment
Dining Out
by Rich
My Apartment
Modern American Cuisine
201 E. 66th Street Apt. 10E
Despite its unassuming exterior, the Berger household serves up some great twists on old favorites. The toasted sliced bagel with Temptee cream cheese is a must-have. And you can always expect service with a smile from Mom, but don't ask for sugared soda...

As Plane as Peanuts
The Ethicist
by Al
I was recently on an overnight flight during which I got very hungry. I had eaten my bag of peanuts, but it was 3 AM and they weren't serving breakfast until 7. Sitting next to me was a sleeping five-year-old boy with his bag of peanuts lying on his tray table. Most of the passengers, including the boy's mother, were fast asleep, so I knew no one would see me or suspect me if I took the nuts. But the boy would surely be upset when he awoke. Nevertheless, I snatched the peanuts and quickly ate them, disposing of the empty bag. The boy cried to his mother when he woke up, and I felt terrible. Should I have confessed to the theft? D.M., New Haven

What are you talking about?! That was a great fucking call...

Michael Berger back in the news

Yes, that's right, everybody's favorite Park Avenue lawyer is back in the big-time (even if Jim Lee tried to bring him down). Mr. Berger is representing Hip-Hop DJ Ed Lover, who he used to watch religiously when he hosted Yo! MTV Raps.

The Free Market

A few years ago, my father handled a small legal matter for the owner of Bagelworks, a local bagel store near my house. Ever since then, the owner, an avuncular Hungarian woman, has adored my father and given him free bagels as a token of appreciaton for his help.

The other day, my father walked into Bagelworks for his weekly bagels, and was greeted with the usual "Meester Berger! My friend!" "Nice to see you. How's business?" responded my father, as the conversation proceeded with the usual patter. But suddenly, the owner got very serious--

Bagelworks Owner: Meester Berger, I have another legal matter to discuss with you. Please come to the back room.

My Dad: What is it?

Bagelworks Owner: You see, a new bagel store opened down the block, and we're having a little trouble. I was wondering if you could do something about it?

My Dad: So what happened, did it infringe on your copyrighted name?

Bagelworks Owner: No, I... I want you to SHUT IT DOWN!

My Dad: Are they not zoned for retail? I can check with the City Council.

Bagelworks Owner: No, no council, just SHUT IT DOWN! SHUT IT DOWN!

My Dad: This isn't Hungary--in America, you can't put your competitor out of business simply because you don't want competition.

Bagelworks Owner: Of course I cannot Meester Berger. I am just a simple shopkeep. But you are a man of the law. You can do whatever you want! SHUT IT DOWN, Meester Berger, I beg you.

Next time you are text messaging

Be careful when you try to type something in about Michael Jordan because if you have the same T9 autocomplete system as I do you might just type Michael Korean.

Dentist Tip

To any youngsters out there- when you're at the dentist's office and he's putting that fluoride plate in your mouth, he's gonna suggest that you get Bubblegum flavor. "You're a kid" he says, and "kids love bubblegum". Don't fall for it- it's gross. Orange is way better.

Howard Dean Vindicated

In response to the furor over Howard Dean's comment that "The idea that we're going to win this [Iraq] war is an idea that unfortunately is just plain wrong," John Judis has written an article showing how Dean's statements have actually been remarkably prescient. I'd like to further add that when I met Dean in a restaurant, he told me that "The food here is delicious," and lo and behold he was RIGHT!

On the Anniversary of John Lennon's Death...

... I'd like to point out that Lennon was, in Arli$$'s words, "a total prick."

Terri PAC

I can't believe I'm the first to find this gem. In other Schiavo related news, "At the same time, Schiavo is putting the finishing touches on a book, "Terri: The Truth," which is scheduled for release in March. His former in-laws, the Schindlers, have also announced plans to publish a book with their side of the story in March." Hat tip to Michael Schiavo

Separated at Birth's Revenge

Now that Rich has thrown his hat into the SaB ring, I must issue a response:

Actor Jeff Goldblum















and Reelblogs President and CEO Rob Spiro




















--------------------------
Hat tip to STM

For those who have never seen Dream On

Separated at Birth:

Scott Bakula



Brian Benben


Hat tip to Kingspawn for reviving separated at birth.

So this is why Tom hasn't been posting much

He has been busy working on another blog!

Early Edition: Tomorrow's New York Times Headline

"Cure for Bird Flu is Bird Robitussin, Says Dr. Bird Mom"

A joke

A wealthy diner orders French Onion Soup at a fine restaurant. He notices that there is something in the bowl and calls over the waiter. "Waiter, what is this diarrhea doing in my soup?" he asks. "I believe it's doing the backstroke, Sir," replies the waiter.