Sunday, July 30, 2006

What celebrity do you look like?

I hope that this link will work for all of you, because you have to see who I look like. You will never guess my number 1 match. Ever. Try yourself right here.

April 14, 1865 all over again

The Berger re-enactment. Rich plays Booth to Dan's Lincoln:

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Perils of Living at Home

There may be a number of tremendous benefits of living at home (thanks for getting the stains out Mom!), but there is also a dark side that Dan and I found out about on Sunday night. Here is our story (told mostly in the second person for no apparent reason):

Imagine you come home one night to your nice adoring bed, the one that has served you so well for the past 15 years or so (ok, I've had my bed for too long). You climb in there, desperate for a good night's sleep so you can start the week off right on Monday morning. But when you slide underneath your comforter, you immediately notice that something is wrong. The familiar smoothness underneath your body has been replaced a harder and uneven surface. What happened?!

Your mother has ripped the heart and soul out of your bed. She has taken away your egg crate. You complain.

"Mom, how could you do this without even asking me?"
"Honey, it was old, I figured you might not notice or care."
"You called me on a beautiful Saturday afternoon to tell me about someone who ran under a tree and subsequently got hit by lightning. You couldn't call me to discuss something of actual relevance to me?"

And so it was that you slept one restless night, tossing and turning until you woke up in a sweat and considered switching to the couch. Then you thought better of it and simply got out of bed early.

Epilogue:

Work was a bother, but upon arriving home you received the most welcome present of all: a new egg crate! Living with your parents can be a joy again after all.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Let's go Alex!

Follow the action here as Alex competes in his second final table of the 2006 WSOP. This time, he's the big chip leader!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

A new twist on an old favorite

Courtesy of a friend of Delino, these are some Zagat reviews that are still waiting to be published (it is especially instructive to compare some of the reviews here to my own reviews in the Marquis restaurant guide):

Sushi Seki
1143 1st Ave
New York 1002

Food: 27
Decor: 18
Service: 25

This uptown sushi haven serves important sea creatures who are sincerely grateful to be devoured. Regulars describe the scallop hand roll as "so normal," and even some of the most conservative gourmandes have farted comfortably and giggled after enjoying Seki's signature toro. Romantics swear that the king crab rolls guarantee a night of slippery love-making, but adventurers beware: skeptics warn that if you end up with jalapeno "bullshit" on your omakase plate, the diarrhea session will be "so severe," you'll feel as if you did the "anal waltz" with "Tyrone Wheatley."

La Houppa
26 E. 64th St. (bet. 5th & Madison Aves.)
Tel: (212) 317-1999

Food: 15
Service: 19
Decor: 17

You cannot be sure if the Maitre D' is "into you" or "wants your family tortured" at this upper east side niche, where you'll find a combination of Italian and Mediterranean cuisine that makes you "ponder your childhood." Though the waitstaff is "lean" and "handsome," and the calamari "goes crunch where it's supposed to," regulars warn that many dishes "go down smooth, but slip out smoother." The outdoor patio can be "life-affirming" in the evening if you order "seven bouteilles" and the temperature is "healthy," but order a twenty dollar pizza out there on a cold afternoon and you will "regret your birth" and spend the rest of the day "masturbating and crying hysterically." The gnocchi is "bold" but the fish specials are "gaunt," though one reviewer confessed that the sesame crusted cod "significantly improved the flavor and texture of [his] semen."

P.J.Clarke's
915 Third Avenue @ 55th Street
212.317.1616

Food: 23
Service: 14
Decor: 14

Not even a "pumpernickel" from "Greenbrier Backcountry" would front when it comes to this midtown speakeasy's grilled hamburgers, which are "so juicy and stupid" it's almost impossible to breathe. When asked how he was enjoying them, one reviewer mumbled "fuck you" as he bit into his eighth. Sure you'll pass "suits" at the bar, "blowing smoke" out of their "rear ends" and "swallowing Budweiser," but sneak to a back table for a "wholesome sehkkle" and you won't care if your acne is affecting your shadow. If you order the half and half you'll need to "change your underpants a few times," but regulars confirm it's "only a small scene." Whether you decide to "shleep shleep" the french fries or "oh no" the home ones, beware the lump crab cake which is actually "lump BM." The soft shell crab special, however, can prove an "appreciated detour" from the "obvious meat," but if you order it the waitress will "know you're gay." As for dessert, you "might as well" order two more cheeseburgers, though if sliding a slice of PJ's chocolate cake "deep" into your tush is wrong, you may not want to be right.

Session 73
1359 1st Ave
Phone: 212-517-4445

Service: 12
Decor: 17
Appeal: 25

"My niggas don't creep they just rip a washleep and, put some Jack away" at this uptown "kiddie korner" where camp friends, old high school cronies, and ex-girlfriends "flow like the alcohol and your last swiss." There will be no reason to sweat the artistic merits of what leaks out of your tush after a night out at "Sheshins," as it will likely "boast colors that Jackson Pollock
overlooked." Enthusiasts protest: "So what? It's comfortable and everyone has a little in them so it's easy to walk away blameless from a beer blast." Even though the scene is reminiscent of "an eighth grade dance party without the adult supervision," one regular comments, "It's both the best and worst play you can make in any given evening." Ultimately, the drinks and the crowd "smooth out your skin," and "bulk up your shoulders," and though it is impossible to know which is louder, the live band or your last shot of Jameson, if you glide towards the sofas with "a stiff drink in one hand and a stiff bitch in the other," you'll "forget you're almost 30."

Yes Tom, I know that we have discussed this idea before, but someone else actually wrote these up.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Maybe...

...the upcoming movie Snakes on a Plane is simply a marketing experiment. As far as I can tell, the studio decided to bring in a big-name star and then come up with the most absurd possible plot and see if the public would eat it up. Well, the buzz for the movie is incredible so far (at least in terms of being talked about, especially on the internet), so it looks like New Line might be onto something. My favorite part of the Wikipedia entry for the movie is the fact that after wrapping principal photography, scenes were re-shot to ensure an R rating.

If the movie is as successful as it appears like it will be, look for other movies like it to come out very soon thereafter (in fact they are probably already in production...maybe Sharks on a muthafuckin' Boat?). I am still not sure, however, if I will be seeing the movie.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Soft-Core Pawn: Chess Babe of the Month: Arianne Caoili

Arianne Caoili - Miss July 2006
  • Nationality: Australian
  • Birthday: December 22, 1986



'Anna Kournikova of chess' sparks violent feud

A British chess grandmaster may face action from the game's ruling body for throwing a punch at the world No 3 at the World Chess Olympiad.

Danny Gormally hurled himself at Levon Aronian, the best player in Armenia, in a Turin nightclub, sparking a bizarre tit-for-tat feud with between the English and Armenian teams.

But in an extra twist, the fight was inspired not by professional rivalry, but romantic jealousy.

Gormally apparently attacked Aronian after he saw him dancing with Arianne Caoili, an attractive 19-year-old Australian known as "the Anna Kournikova of chess".

The Briton was said to have previously met and been emailing Caoili, and could not bear to see her with an opponent.

Gormally, 30, from Durham, is ranked sixth in Britain, and subsequently left the Olympiad early of his own volition.

Allan Beardsworth, the English team captain, said: "The bottom line is this is just a little incident in a nightclub where unfortunately Danny probably had a drink too many and obviously saw someone dancing with a girl he liked and either hit or tried to hit them."

Gormally, he said, was "gutted" when he awoke the following morning to realise what he'd done: "He knows he shouldn't have done it and knows he wouldn't have done it normally."

Gormally and Mr Beardsworth apologised to the Armenian delegation and their star player the morning after the incident, but while the apologies were being accepted, some of Aronian's teammates waded in with their fists.

Once they were told that Gormally had already said sorry, the Armenians apologised for their retaliatory attack.

"It was all very friendly," Mr Beardsworth said.

The English team subsequently came 19th in the biennial tournament, up from 2004's 30th place. The Armenian team won the tournament.

Mr Beardsworth said that a captain's report would be sent to the English Chess Federation, and that he would be "surprised if the ECF didn't do something".


Arianne Caoili's website

Other links about Arianne (see bottom of the page)