I encourage all of you to go to at least one New York area pro sports event per year. Not because the games are so great- though they are usually fun. No, it is because of the fans. Specifically the fans from Long Island and New Jersey. From the parking lots of Giants Stadium to the upper deck of Yankee Stadium, all the way to the stands of Madison Square Garden, you will witness a non-stop parade of fat middle-aged men basically auditioning for the role of Carl in the live-action version of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, or maybe Turtle from Entourage (minus the likability factor). Though they appear to be of somewhat limited means and have wives and children, there never seems to be a shortage of cash for the important things in life- like sports tickets, sports paraphernalia, beer, and strippers. Here are some excerpts of a conversation going on directly behind me at the Knicks game last night:
Jersey Guy #1: So which strip clubs we goin' to tonight, boys?
Jersey Guy #2: Gotta go wit Weehawken- da best.
Jersey Guy #3: Weehawken? Are you outta ya fuckin' mind? Definitely Jersey City.
Jersey Guy #1: Jersey City's good, but what about Newark? Remember last time we went in Newark to that Portugese place- absolute gutter trash, but boy were dey hot?!
Jersey Guy #2: Yeah, and, totally randomly, his fuckin' DAD was there!
Jersey Guy #3: So what? He's only 75.
Jersey Guy #1: So we goin' to see 300 this weekend or what?
Jersey Guy #2: You mean are we goin' to SMOKE A SPLIFF and THEN see 300 this weekend?
Jersey Guy #3: Uh, yes! Dat movie looks so fuckin' awesome. You see that part where he throws dat guy down a big hole! Unbelievable.
Jersey Guy #3 (quoting the 300 trailer, apropos of nothing- this was during a TV timeout): DIS IS WHERE WE FIGHT, AND DIS IS WHERE DEY DIE!!!!