Wednesday, February 20, 2008

An Inconvenient Truth

For many years, this blog has been ignoring the overwhelming body of scientific evidence. "The data doesn't go back far enough to know for sure," we said. "That's just a bunch of left-wing alarmists." But the Inconvenient Truth has become all too clear to us now. Carbohydrate consumptions are literally destroying this planet, and unless we do something about it soon, it may be too late.

So from this day forward, DelinoDeShields.com will dedicate itself to reducing its Carbo Footprint. Our efforts will involve some conservation measures, including open-faced sandwiches rather than traditional two-bread-piece sandwiches. Another exciting initiative is our purchase of Carbo Offsets, whereby every 35 dollars we donate funds one Peter Luger's steak for a villager in Tanzania. We aim for Delino to go Carbo Neutral.

But you know, this movement can only do so much on its own. Ultimately, the federal government will need to do its part as well. That's why we here at Delino are advocating for the pricing of Carbs. Whether it's through a Carbo Tax or a Carbo Auction, I'll leave that question to the economists - but we need something! And then we must use the money from the carbo-pricing mechanism to fund a sort of Apollo Project for alternative food sources. One promising idea involves an all-Muscle Milk diet.

Whatever the policies end up being, the important point is, we can no longer live with our heads in the sand. The gathering storm is only getting worse, and we must do something about it soon, before it's too late...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

What if it is too late?

What if this is the end?

the marquis reader who initially voiced his preference for more sports content. said...

muscle milk line is great. such a fatty protein drink. love it though.

Doug Rusta, a CPA said...

i'm loving the political content.

terry Pendleton's Urologist. said...

did susanna really write this? Don't Xerox your gf's ideas.

abbas amanus said...

WHERE IS DE EVIDENCE?!