Friday, July 11, 2008

Scene from a New York Barbershop

Overheard at a Barber Shop on Lenox Ave:

Barber #1: Man I just got me that Netflix shit- that's some good shit right there, no more late night trips to the 'Buster.

Customer: Oh that's for DAMN sure! I got me the whole five-disc package - love that shit.

Barber #2: FIVE discs! What the fuck you need five discs for? I got two discs- that's all a brotha need.

Barber #1: Yeah - two discs! You finish one movie, you got another movie right there, you send the first one back and by the time you get a new one you done with the second. Ain't nothin' more to it than that, ya greedy mothafucka.

Barber #2: They's kids starvin' in Africa and this nigga got FIVE mothfuckin' DVD's in his crib at one time?!

Customer: Ah'm just sayin' there's situ-ations where a brotha need five discs, I mean...

Barber #1: That's it, I can't take this shit no more!

(Barber #1 takes out a shotgun and blows Customer's head off)

(Barber #1 and Barber #2 stand solemnly above the Customer's corpse)

Barber #2 (quietly at first, then at normal volume): Hey, yo what about one of them TV shows you get really into, with all them cliffhangers and shit. Maybe you need them five discs.

Barber #1: Yeah, yeah like Lost or some shit. How the fuck you gonna stop watchin' Lost after two discs? They's too many questions- how they gonna get off that island? Who that fat dude? Shit I pulled an all-nighta at my cousin's place watchin' Season Two.

(Barber #1 looks down at corpse of Customer)

Barber #1 (wistfully): Damn, son. Mah bad...


Anonymous said...

I'm loving the barbershop trope/meme.


Have you seen the well-to-do
Up and down park avenue
On that famous thoroughfare
With their noses in the air

High hats and popped collars
White spats and lots of bloggers
Spending every dime
For a wonderful time

Since you're a Jew
And you dont know where to go to
Why dont you go where Congdon shits
Puttin on the ritz
Different types who wear a daycoat
Pants with stripes and cutaway coat
Perfect fits
Puttin on the ritz

Dressed up like a million dollar trooper
Trying hard to look like gary cooper

Come, lets mix where rockefellers
Walk with sticks or umberellas
In their mitts
Puttin on the ritz

------ short instrumental break (in order to cut some nuts out) ------

Tips his hat just like an english chappie
To a lady with a wealthy pappy
Very snappy

Youll declare its simply topping
To be there and hear them swapping
Smart tidbits
Puttin on the ritz

Nostradamus said...

Love the barbershop motif/form.

The Decline of the West

Some killers are now lounging in a crazy bubble bath
Reading the deep Dan Berger shit and trying not to laugh
Smoking Philly blunts, not Cubans, every other day
Living like Delino lived back in his heyday

Congdon drinks alone now, almost every night
Even Richard Nixon never knew that that ain't right
Museum Mile taking over Fifth Avenue
The Bulldog burrito has been purchased by a Jew.

Congdon drowns his tears in a tub of rancid Guac
While Bill Clinton is evading a subtle cock-block
The BB's changing owners and now Congdon's on the run
Heading for the boarder with avocados and his gun

The Jew's blood in the meadow just below the East Rock
Congdon's fingerprints spread evenly along the gun-stock,
His vengeance short and sweet, Delino's only muse,
He's now down in Mexico searching for some Latin Cooz.

All hail the master!