Saturday, May 19, 2012

Scene from Berger Family, 1991

[Berger family has just landed at LaGuardia Airport after a week in Florida. Rich and I head toward the taxi line]
Mr. Berger: Guys no need to wait in line - I ordered us a limousine, he should be here any second

8-year-old Dan: Awesome! I love riding in limos! I'm so psyched!

[A minute later, a black Lincoln Town Car arrives and stops. I keep looking past it in search of our limo]

Mr. Berger: Here's our limo guys, put your bags in the trunk and let's get in

8-Year-Old Dan's Interior Monologue: Are you fucking KIDDING ME?! You can call a regular Lincoln Town Car a 'limousine'? That's complete bullshit! A 'limousine' should only mean a STRETCH LIMO! Extra long, fits 8 people, long bench seating, bottled water and M&Ms - we all know what a fucking limo is! This 'limousine' possibly meaning just a Town Car is the worst meme ever!!!

8-Year-Old Dan: Wow, here it is - our very own limo! Thanks Dad!

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Overheard in NY on a Rooftop facing the Hudson River

[2 Jersey Girls see me packing up a DSLR still camera which I'd just shot a video on]

Jersey Girl 1: Hey you're a photographah take our picshah [hands me her phone]

Me: Sure.

[A giant light right next to me makes it impossible to see any background unless they move away from me]

Me: Could you move to your right. OK. 1. 2. 3.

[I hand phone back to Jersey Girl 1 - she and Jersey Girl 2 look at it as I finish packing up my gear and am about to walk away]

Jersey Girl 2:  They-ah's not much Jersey in this picshah

Jersey Girl 1: Not much Jersey at awwl! [Turning to me] Excuse me, we aww from Jersey and when I gave you the camera I figured you'd get Jersey in the picshah, not this silly rooftop.

Me: It's just the exposure difference between the light foreground and dark background makes it-- ah never mind [I take phone from Jersey Girl 1] 1. 2. 3.
[I hand phone back to Jersey Girl 1 and rush away from them, but catch their reactions]

Jersey Girl 1: Some photographah - ya can still byarely see Jersey

Jersey Girl 2: Idiot