Monday, November 28, 2005

Shopping

While shopping this weekend, Tom and I laid out the four pillars of the ideal wool coat: visible buttons, slash (diagonal) pockets, just below waist length, and single-breasted. We wound up with nothing that matched our criteria, but with these cornerstones in mind, I set out to try some new stores today. On my way to the subway, I noticed a Kenneth Cole store and decided to walk in.

I looked around for a coat I had seen online, but when I couldn't find it, I asked the closest salesperson for help. Luckily for me, that salesman happened to be Josh, a flamboyantly gay and unbelievably stylish recent Hobart College grad - he majored in French- clad in all black--

Me: Uh, so I saw this Kenneth Cole Reaction coat online, but I can't find it here in the store. Is there somewhere I didn't look?

Josh: How old are you, sweetie?

Me: 22.

Josh: Kenneth Cole Reaction- you see that's something you wear when you're in high school, maybe up to 19. 20 tops. You're a man now, start dressing that way. Our Kenneth Cole line is in more of the upmarket mileu you belong to now.

My inner monologue: [Yeah, you know he's right. I'm 22, I'm a man, I'm upmarket]

Me: OK, so Kenneth Cole it is. Now do you have anything in around waist length?

Josh: Oooh, waist length? That's not what you want. A 3/4 length is really more your thing. You're 22, you need a professional look. Something you can wear to an important job interview, but still throw on with jeans and Pumas.

My inner monologue: [Professional- yeah, that's right, none of this collegiate pea coat nonsense anymore. And a combo with jeans and pumas, that's a money idea. Note to self: buy Pumas]

Me: Alright, so we're looking at 3/4 length coats. Show me what you have. My only requirement is slash pockets.

Josh: Yeah... slash pockets? They're useful, I'll give you that. But vertical pockets with flaps are WAY more stylish. They give the coat a nice sense of structure. Try this one (hands me a coat which I put on; I look at myself in the mirror)

My inner monologue: [It DOES give a nice sense of structure! I'm so fortunate that I have Josh here to correct all my faux pas]

Me: Thanks for all your help, Josh. I just need to call my girlfriend to make sure it's kosher, then we can ring this baby up.

Josh: Girlfriend? Ehhhh... Maybe if you were 17, that would be OK. But now that you're 22, you really should be gay.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

shouldn't this have been a Dan/Tom post?

Anonymous said...

oh stop it, tom. just 'cause dan told you about it ahead of time doesn't make it a dan/tom post.

Mulatto Jesus said...

great punchline. bow down.

Nostradamus said...

Missed you at the Million Dollar Bash, Dan.

the masses are said...

clamoring for new material

the masses are said...

to be clamoring for new material

the actual rod said...

This may be my favorite post in the history of delino. very delino-y.

Rich said...

dan is now 26...and he owns pumas!

Nostradamus said...

And he still isn't gay!