Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Lester Lives

I know some of you are worried about Lester because he hasn't posted in awhile and he's entangled in the Trial of The Century with Munz and his Dream Team of lawyers. Fear not- Lester is alive and well, though I can't tell you where he is (hint: he's with a certain co-blogger who once shilled for Hertz. I can say no more).
I can, however, pass on a document that Lester has obtained. Lester is going to use this document to PROVE that the Munz scribblings on Immortalized were not "false posts", but rather the pure, unvarnished truth, as written by the man himself. The Munz lawyers tried to suppress this document, claiming it was protected under doctor-patient privilege. That attempt failed, since in this transcript Munz describes his innermost visions not to a certified psychiatrist, but rather to the wispy-haired She-Man at Ivy Noodle. So without further ado, a glimpse into the Mind of Munz

--Transcript begins--

Ivy Noodle She-Man (INSM): You onlah one puhson, you sit at countah!

Munz: I had a dream last night. A prophecy if you will.

INSM: What if nice famiry want sit down, 5 peoples. They no wanna hear about how Mahk Warnah play in Frorida panhandle!

Munz: I was sitting in my room watching television. I tried to turn on CNN. But it wasn't anywhere to be found. I tried to turn on Food Network. It too was nowhere. I panicked. I flipped through TV Guide. Neither channel was listed. It was then that I noticed a new channel I'd never seen before. I flipped to it. And there, on the television, I beheld the most glorious programming known to man. CNN and Food Network had MERGED into one mega-network. No more politics OR food- I now had politics AND food!

INSM: What you want? I have othah customah to deal with.

Munz (eyes closed, in a trance-like state now): I saw Lou Dobbs. He, he was telling me that Walter Mondale ate paella on the night before the '84 Democratic Convention. And there was Emeril, my sweet Emeril, in the Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer. "Bush lied, soldiers died. BAM!" he exclaimed.

INSM: If you keep talking rike this, I no refill your watah.

Munz: And I saw Joe Biden. He told me that La Tolteca has the best taco in North Delaware. Then Rachel, my edible princess Rachel Ray, she was on too. She was in Brookline, hometown of Michael Dukakis- the Massachusetts Miracle. And Rachel was saying "The Daily Kos wing of the party is hurting our appeal in the suburbs. I say keep radical ideas in the kitchen, not in the public forum- radical ideas like chocolate-covered shrimp!"

INSM: Hey, bloggahs have point. Democlatic Pahty need some spine.

Munz: [Unintelligible wail]
[Munz drools uncontrollably and has a seizure]

-End of Transcript-

I feel pretty confident that this evidence will vindicate Lester.


Tom said...

another joke about how they hate letting parties of 1 sit at a table. brilliant

Anonymous said...

The shining edifice of blogging brilliance that is Dan Berger; will it ever fade?

I met a blogger from an antique land
Who said:—Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Dan Berger, king of bloggers:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Lofty Boner said...

This is a good post. I also have a new post out, but you have to scroll down to view it. It is the first post before "Apprehended" but it was actually written after. Once again, I'm Lofty Boner.