Thursday, June 12, 2008

Scene from a Fort Lauderdale Barbershop

Overheard at a Barber Shop in Fort Lauderdale:

Barber #1: OK, Trolley Problem-- Trolley goin' down the tracks, about to hit a child - but if you flip a switch, it'll hit five manatees on the other track and save the child. What'd you do?

Barber #2 (instantly): Ooooh that's a easy one!

Customer: Yeah fo sho- you flip that fuckin' switch!

Barber #2: WHAT?! This mothafucka would flip the switch?! And kill all them manatees!

Customer: But I'd be savin' a child! A thinkin', talkin' human being!

Barber #1: What the fuck have them manatees done to you that you wanna kill 'em?! Been cute? Been the pride of Florida? Been a great sight to see as a bonding activity for grandparents and grandkids? Those sound like some capital mothafuckin' offenses to you?!

Barber #2: That's it! You outta here! Get tha fuck out of mah barbershop!

Customer: Ok, Ok, let's all calm down now. Save the manatees, save the kid, it don't matter. (Turning to Barber #1) We all brothas here, right?

Barber #1: You heard the man- get the fuck out of the barbershop, you manatee-murderin' mothafucka! (Barber #1 physically pushes Customer out of the barbershop) (Barber #1 and Barber #2 are now alone in the barbershop)

Barber # 2: Save the kid, kill the manatees? Shit, I seen some crazy mothafuckas in this shop but that one takes the cake!


Tom said...

finally, someone sends up florida's manatee fetish!

as a native floridian, trust me -- this is barely satire.

The ACTUAL God said...

tom solves the comment vs note in reader problem...

great post dan

Ranger Ric said...

People in Florida hate those fat sea cows.

PS: Tom lost his right to call Florida his home a long time ago.

Yankee go home!

Anonymous said...

Take it from a Lauderdale native: there are far too many fat land cows (I mean, below-average-intellience human beings) down there and not enough manatees.

Sorry kid, but you should have been smart enough to stay off the tracks. Nite nite.