Our inside sources at the White House have leaked to us President Bush's newest speech about the War on Terror:
President Bush: "Some will tell you that we should retreat from the battle in Iraq. Maybe even retreat from the war in Afghanistan. (Alberto Gonzales farts) These Defeat-o-crats will tell you that if we just leave the Middle East, then the Islamofascists will all of a sudden love us. (Dick Cheney cackles, then has a stroke) Well where I'm from they got a saying: "That makes less sense than a hog knowin' how to code in UNIX."
What these people don't understand is that the Islamofascists, who encompass almost every brown skinned foreign person- not you, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, you're one of the good ones - (Dr. Sanjay Gupta "raises the roof") they hate us no matter what we do. What do the Doodie-crats think is gonna happen?
(chuckling) We stop smearing menstrual blood on their faces while they're chained to the floor and they'll be like "Oh wait, I LOVE AMERICA NOW." Or maybe we stop sodomizing their men with broomsticks, and they'll be like "UNCLE SAM, you're the greatest!" Or do the Dildo-crats think if we stop killing tens of thousands of their civilians with aerial strikes and ground fire they're gonna break out into the gosh-darned Star Spangled Banner?
Mah point is you can't reason with these people. They just hate our freedom and that's that. (Fred Barnes, who has been fellating POTUS, takes a breath to hoot and holler in agreement)