Thursday, March 22, 2007

Sandler

Who are the Hollywood geniuses who came up with the premise of Reign Over Me?

The plot is described on IMDB as:
"Alan Johnson (DON CHEADLE) gets a surprise when he runs into his old college roommate, Charlie Fineman (ADAM SANDLER), on the streets of New York. He is shocked to find out that Charlie doesn't remember him at all. Alan later learns that Charlie is suffering with grief from the loss of his wife and kids to a plane crash in 9/11. He attempts to help Charlie get over his grief by rekindling their friendship while Charlie hangs out with Alan because he doesn't know anything about what his family was like as he refuses to talk about it. As Alan spends a lot of time with Charlie it puts a strain on his relationship with his wife and kids."





This is a total misuse of Sandler's talents- I suggest this new premise and opening dialogue
instead:
Don Cheadle gets a surprise when he runs into his old college roommate, Adam Sandler, on the streets of New York. He is shocked to find out that Sandler doesn't remember him at all. Cheadle later learns that Sandler lost his wife and kids to a plane crash in 9/11. Cheadle tries to help Sandler get over the grief of losing his family, but Sandler is not sure what he is talking about...

Cheadle: Adam, it must have been tough losing your family like that on 9/11
(beat)
Sandler: Abby-dooby! So hot! Want to touch the hiney! Arrroooooooo!

Cheadle: I mean, you lost your wife, and your little daughter. (holding back tears) She was only six years old...

Sandler: No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this guy wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all he can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.

Cheadle: Look, I'm just trying to say I'm here for you, man. Whatever you need.

Sandler: My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush. FUCK ME IN THE GOATASS!

Cheadle: Your wife (crying now), she was a great woman. She loved you very much.

Sandler: Amy Fisher. Buddafuco. El narc-o, el shoot-o, In jail-o. No bail-o. Senora, you're a whor-a!

6 comments:

elmrockcity said...

Excellent work...I'd like to see a similar rewrite of Jim Carrey's The Number 23 (although Eternal Sunshine would also amuse me greatly...)

Anonymous said...

great posts, dan. keep 'em coming.

Mr.Wrongway said...

yessir.

Beneficent Allah said...

This actually reminds me a lot of kicking it with you guys in ny...

except I didn't remember because of drugs!

Nostradamus said...

This is a masterpiece, strong contender for best posts of 2007... This year's countdown will be incredible, just you wait!

Mr.Wrongway said...

just read this again. amazing again.