Saturday, June 25, 2005

Wake up in the AM, Compose a Post

NOTE: like That Girl's father, I composed this post long-hand. I wrote it while sitting on a train next to 2 Chinese Nationals and a Moroccan, all of whom attempted to decipher my scribblings for their respective governments, but were foiled by my illegible handwriting. The Chinese guys did manage, however, to get my assistant Rich's job outsourced to them by working for far less. So this marks the end of Rich's assistanceship- he has now graduated to the rank of Blogger, as you'll see reflected on the sidebar. The Chinese Nationals also made me new shoes during the 10 hr. train ride. Now here is the last post with Rich as my assistant:

After a relaxing day at the beach in Nice, my assistant Rich and I went for a stroll down one of the city's main streets. Along the way, I noticed a street performer dressed as Darth Vader. Now this was one of those street performers who stands still for hours on end until someone gives him a coin, at which point he does a dance. Keep in mind that it was almost 90 degress out and a Darth Vader costume is all black with a heavy helmet. I looked into Darth's basket and saw that there were several 1 Euro coins in there. Since this guy could barely see through the eyeholes in his mask, I placed One Cent in the basket.
Darth, hearing the sound of the coin and seeing me drop it in (assuming I'd paid the normal 1 Euro or at least 50 cents), bowed to me and Rich, and then proceeded to act out a complex and physically demanding light saber duel with a phantom opponent. I initially managed to contain myself from laughing as I thought about how much exhausting work I had made this man do in the hot sun for a mere penny. But he subsequently pressed a button which made the Darth Vader heavy breathing sound, and then HE made heavy breathing sounds because of his exhaustion. At this point, I burst out laughing hysterically, and Rich began to chuckle as well.

Here Rich overstepped his boundaries, and I decided he needed to remember his place. So I made him put on the guy's Darth Vader costume and act out the duel for free, while I shot at his feet with a revolver.

Coda: Now Rich will not have to suffer such indignities, and instead I have trustly Hu Jintao, whose other job is president of China or some shit. That will have to take a backseat to my every whim.


Anonymous said...

update more often.

Nostradamus said...

Welcome to the Inferno, Rich. May you have a pleasant roast at the ends of such vicious anonymous flamers as ^^^^

Anonymous said...

this is hilarious!!