Having pulled an all-nighter spent mostly playing online poker and reading conspiracy theories about the Bush family and only occasionally writing my paper, I walked outside for a bite to eat at the ungodly hour of 9:30. What I saw was frightening. A faceless mass of efficient Yale students and middle-aged white men who had actually been asleep and then awoken to do something productive at this time. I kind of felt like I was living an unproductive life, then something occurred to me- terrorist attacks only occur during the morning rush hour (9/11, Madrid). So I am actually just protecting myself from the enemy by sleeping until 1PM every day. It's my patriotic duty.
Along these lines, I was incredibly moved by the oft-mentioned-on-this-blog Dylan Gadek, who bragged to Actual God that he had "slept 46 out of the last 48 hours, man." One can only hope that the other two hours were spent eating sugared cereal out of the box and masturbating. The sight of Dylan, fully clothed, lying in a heap in bed, reminded me of what makes this country great. Mr. Gadek, I salute you.