With the whole Abu Ghraib scandal fading into history, I think it's time to give my thoughts on torture. I support torture wholeheartedly... but I feel the US government is too lenient. Palestinian hangings, sodomy, electric shocks? Gimme a break. Here's a list of the REAL DEAL when it comes to torture.
Force prisoners to:
1. Eat a burrito from Bulldog Burrito- the rice is terrible, the meat is dry... if this isn't torture I don't know what is
2. Take an hour-long elevator ride with a quasi-acquaintance who he kind of knows but has nothing to talk about with
3. Lose a poker hand to Unidentified Lesbian and not be allowed to hit her when she talks about your bad play
4. Go to a store and have them not redeem your "free 20 oz. Coke" bottle cap because they don't participate in that contest- this one may be the worst, it may be too inhumane for my tastes
5. Play a long PokerStars tournament and then lose the connection during a crucial hand late in the tourney
6. Read a Rick Reilly column in the back of Sports Illustrated
7. Enroll in a Film Studies seminar at Yale
8. Have Terri Schiavo as their teammate in a game of charades- "Goddamnit, Terri, How does drooling and occasionally smiling signal to me Revenge of the Nerds?!"
NOTE: Feel free to add on to this list in the comments section- unless it's "9. Read Not About Delino Deshields blog." That would be deleted and I would hunt down the perpetrator to the ends of the earth.