Tuesday, March 01, 2005


When I was a youngster, I used to have visions of a building in which everyone had their own elevator, so no one had to be put in an elevator with someone they either didn't know or kind of knew but didn't like. Sadly, in the interceding 15 years, my dream hasn't materialized.
I don't think most people realize quite how horrible an experience it is to be in an elevator with someone you don't know or ESPECIALLY with a quasi-acquaintence who you kind of should talk to but have nothing to say to and don't like. I'd venture to say it approximates Hell. I do everything I can to avoid this situation, either by listening to music, pretending to listen to music, reading, or pretending to read. I also stand in the corner of the elevator and press the close button repeatedly just to avoid this situation, and if the person gets there in time, i say "oh phew, I was pressing door open" or "didn't see you there." No words can describe the elation i get from successfully closing the door on a quasi-acquaintance so that I get the elevator to myself or only with friends of mine.
If I fail, the ride is seemingly interminable:
(Awkward silence)
Her: A lot of snow out there today
Me: Yup, I heard 8 inches
(awkward silence)
Her: These elevators are so slow
(her floor comes up)
Her: See ya
(door closes)
Me (through the door): Thanks SO MUCH for ruining my ride.

Honestly what could be worse than being in a cramped space with someone you barely know/don't like and yet are forced through social custom to have some interaction with? Being buried alive you say? To that I reply, "More on the face, please."

1 comment:


Sartre would agree that it approximates hell, see "No Exit" (original French: "Huis Clos"). Isn't it amazing how French can take two inconspicuous, everyday, normal wordy and make 'em completely faggy?