i get up to use the bathroom, where i plan to (think of whatever cool/funny catch phrase you use for bowel movement and pretend i used it). i'm in the stall and i'm about finished with the fun part and now it's time for cleanup. the wiping phase is kind of like paying the bill after dinner in a nice restaurant-- i'm tempted to skip it, but don't for fear of complications.
i reach over to the toilet paper dispenser and it's empty. no paper. no cardboard tube. nothing. hmm, i think i saw this on seinfeld once.
except this time, i'm the only one in the bathroom. perfect. let me check the next stall.
there's only one stall.
okay, no problem, i guess i will have to use the paper towel dispenser. empty too. what the fuck?
the only thing even closely resembling toilet paper in that entire bathroom was a well-read copy of the rumpus on the floor of my stall.
it was a pretty uncomfortable experience, but the symbolism was so delicious that i couldn't help but smile.
p.s.: noteworthy is the absence of the qualifier "literally" from the title of this post. i just fucking hate when people misuse that word. and you know what, i think i hate it even when they use it correctly.