Friday, April 01, 2005

The Pope Speaks

The major media have reported that Pope John Paul II can no longer speak as he lies on his deathbed. But here at Not About Delino DeShields, I was granted an exclusive interview with His Holiness. Below is a partial transcript:

Dan: Do you have any regrets, Your Holiness?

Pope: No, my son. I have lived a full and eventful life in which I have brought joy and happiness to millions and worked to better the lives of those most in need. Now it is time to meet my maker.

Dan: That's nice. But I guess what I'm getting at is that you don't have a blog.

Pope: Blog?

Dan: It's a web page where you can put your opinions, amusing anecdotes, anything you want- for the whole internet to read.

Pope (weeping): Oh that is what I've been waiting for my whole life. The people, they want me to make important speeches- but sometimes I just have a funny idea and I want to share it but I have no forum to do so. So my son, I have one final wish: that you publish my amusing idea on your blog.

Dan: Well, let me hear it.

Pope (a little more animated): OK, so imagine Me on the MTV Cribs TV program... "'Sup y'all? Here's my car -- the pope-mobile. Bullet-proof glass of course. Now my crib has this dope Sound System - a 27,000 foot tall organ. Neighbors never complain though. Guess I got 'nuff respect. Prolly cause I can send them to Eternal Damnation and all." Pretty good- eh, eh (the pope attempts to nudge me but can't quite reach)

Dan: Yeah... I've gotta say that's not really funny enough for NotAboutDelinoDeShields. It's kind of hackneyed.

Pope: Come on, it's not that bad. The part about the neighbors...

Dan (shrugging and showing Pope his palms in a "what can I do" gesture) leaves


Anonymous said...

dan, you're losing it

Dan said...

Fuck you anonymous. I'm trying to write a paper so you're lucky you got any content, and the pope's part was intentionally bad. I don't have to defend myself to some whacko in cyberspace.

Anonymous said...

Whoever the first anonymous is you are a moron if you dont think the pope post is funny. It was great stuff. Think about the pope wanting to be on MTV cribs and then being upset cause his idea isn't funny enough. Its brilliant. If you don't get it ur an idiot.

Anonymous said...

brilliant? stop signing in as "anonymous," dan.

the actual rod said...

i agree with anonymous, that made me want to drink your blood (and not in a good way)