The major media have reported that Pope John Paul II can no longer speak as he lies on his deathbed. But here at Not About Delino DeShields, I was granted an exclusive interview with His Holiness. Below is a partial transcript:
Dan: Do you have any regrets, Your Holiness?
Pope: No, my son. I have lived a full and eventful life in which I have brought joy and happiness to millions and worked to better the lives of those most in need. Now it is time to meet my maker.
Dan: That's nice. But I guess what I'm getting at is that you don't have a blog.
Dan: It's a web page where you can put your opinions, amusing anecdotes, anything you want- for the whole internet to read.
Pope (weeping): Oh that is what I've been waiting for my whole life. The people, they want me to make important speeches- but sometimes I just have a funny idea and I want to share it but I have no forum to do so. So my son, I have one final wish: that you publish my amusing idea on your blog.
Dan: Well, let me hear it.
Pope (a little more animated): OK, so imagine Me on the MTV Cribs TV program... "'Sup y'all? Here's my car -- the pope-mobile. Bullet-proof glass of course. Now my crib has this dope Sound System - a 27,000 foot tall organ. Neighbors never complain though. Guess I got 'nuff respect. Prolly cause I can send them to Eternal Damnation and all." Pretty good- eh, eh (the pope attempts to nudge me but can't quite reach)
Dan: Yeah... I've gotta say that's not really funny enough for NotAboutDelinoDeShields. It's kind of hackneyed.
Pope: Come on, it's not that bad. The part about the neighbors...
Dan (shrugging and showing Pope his palms in a "what can I do" gesture) leaves